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原创投稿《香离艳阳照空盈》,请指正!
yinxiaoyuan
举人


Joined: 08 Jun 2007
Posts: 1181
Location: 中国北京
yinxiaoyuanCollection
PostPosted: 2008-05-05 18:29:34    Post subject: 原创投稿《香离艳阳照空盈》,请指正! Reply with quote

香离艳阳照空盈
殷晓媛
你看,橘红色的稻禾棕榈叶一样展开…太阳在地下
恣意的燃烧,直到夜空穿梭的乌鹊也被
染成彤红。清香就是循着这粗犷包容的土面
蒸腾且舒展,带着永不坠落七月
火漆色图腾的气息,急于从黑夜隐含的内容中
熏出黎明。目光睿智的人用花讯一样
伶俐的脚步走在田野之上,双手摆动时玄秘的
掌纹向内,把自己收敛成一只核雕。
他在无垠的辽阔中放鹰,说黑夜总是有

光芒万顷的内蕴,被星辰包裹的世界
像黑丝绒底缀满水钻的表,放出去的鹰像一种
面对旷野的呼喊,有时候会有
来自天顶或海平线的回声。而我只想知道
潇洒倾斜的大地,是否有适合大地炙热的醇香
回流的坡度。你从一个红色的苹果中

推开窗户,蓦然被夜空田园幻影
捉住了衣袖。你说,这是什么样的意象
能从空阔之处冉冉升起,我说其实
这只是,你的名字。




由于题目是一字谜,读起来比较拗口,请大家见谅!
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古井
秀才


Joined: 01 Jun 2007
Posts: 190

古井Collection
PostPosted: 2008-05-05 19:45:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

的 地 得 正确使用哦
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yinxiaoyuan
举人


Joined: 08 Jun 2007
Posts: 1181
Location: 中国北京
yinxiaoyuanCollection
PostPosted: 2008-05-05 20:16:24    Post subject: Reply with quote

看了一遍,没找到问题,请教。
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