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一个盲人的琴声
曲元奇
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Joined: 01 Mar 2008
Posts: 427
Location: 山东
曲元奇Collection
PostPosted: 2008-05-09 20:45:28    Post subject: 一个盲人的琴声 Reply with quote

桥洞下一个盲人
凹陷的两眼
用黑暗看着黑暗

他拉着二胡
坐姿是一尊永恒的石像
琴声是石像的喷泉

他看不见有多少人走过
他看不见鉄合里
有没有人施舍

他进入了音乐
他的琴声不是乞讨
像是自己拉给自己听
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-05-10 03:15:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

当我们对一个景象产生想法,我们对作品可以有几个选项?:
1-直述我们的主观。
2-影响读者同意我们的主观。
3-以主观建立一个可能的客观。
4-以上皆非。
5-6-7-等等。
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苏茉儿
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Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 739

苏茉儿Collection
PostPosted: 2008-05-10 07:22:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

嗯,我见过很多这样的所谓乞讨的人,不知道该说些什么。
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曲元奇
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Joined: 01 Mar 2008
Posts: 427
Location: 山东
曲元奇Collection
PostPosted: 2008-05-10 19:59:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

我是第一种选择 表述主观 是真实的 见到他停留了一回 只写了他的表象 当时的情形他真的只在拉二胡 全神贯注不在意有没有人施舍 金妹说常见这种情形不知说么 我也不知彺深处说什么
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-05-11 09:09:17    Post subject: 依您所述,您这是第三种。 Reply with quote

曲元奇 wrote:
我是第一种选择 表述主观 是真实的 见到他停留了一回 只写了他的表象 当时的情形他真的只在拉二胡 全神贯注不在意有没有人施舍 金妹说常见这种情形不知说么 我也不知彺深处说什么


依您所述,您这是第三种,建立一个您认为的客观。若是将这段叙述加入作品之中,这又成了第二种,依您建立的客观,影响读者的主观。尝试看看?!
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曲元奇
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Joined: 01 Mar 2008
Posts: 427
Location: 山东
曲元奇Collection
PostPosted: 2008-05-11 20:55:44    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢 在今后的写作中尝试与运用
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爱爱
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Joined: 03 Feb 2008
Posts: 167

爱爱Collection
PostPosted: 2008-05-14 06:17:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

他进入了音乐
他的琴声不是乞讨
像是自己拉给自己听~~~~~~~~
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曲元奇
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Joined: 01 Mar 2008
Posts: 427
Location: 山东
曲元奇Collection
PostPosted: 2008-05-17 22:16:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢
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