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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

生命

一言
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Joined: 21 Feb 2007
Posts: 360

一言Collection

Posted: 2008-04-23 23:56:04 Post subject: 生命

风吹呀吹呀不停地从去年吹到今年我认为黑暗醒着即使白天来临春天也会绕道而行一夜间遍地碧心夭折的树和草发芽我得赞叹生命 _________________ 我是个平凡的人，但我喜欢在平凡的日子里做不平凡的事情，每个人都可以这么来作去认为自己的存在。

一言
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Joined: 21 Feb 2007
Posts: 360

一言Collection

Posted: 2008-04-24 00:15:03 Post subject:

版主我的资料怎么无法修改呢 _________________ 我是个平凡的人，但我喜欢在平凡的日子里做不平凡的事情，每个人都可以这么来作去认为自己的存在。

一言
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Joined: 21 Feb 2007
Posts: 360

一言Collection

Posted: 2008-04-24 00:20:00 Post subject:

meizhengli ne _________________ 我是个平凡的人，但我喜欢在平凡的日子里做不平凡的事情，每个人都可以这么来作去认为自己的存在。

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2008-04-24 01:10:52 Post subject:

一言 wrote:

版主我的资料怎么无法修改呢

问好一言,久不见~

一言
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Joined: 21 Feb 2007
Posts: 360

一言Collection

Posted: 2008-04-24 01:27:42 Post subject:

zhemekuaijiurangnikanjle _________________ 我是个平凡的人，但我喜欢在平凡的日子里做不平凡的事情，每个人都可以这么来作去认为自己的存在。

一言
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Joined: 21 Feb 2007
Posts: 360

一言Collection

Posted: 2008-04-24 02:17:24 Post subject:

我在修改去年发的所有的诗歌，希望大家都能过来看看，看我进步了么，如果哪里不好请你留言给我建议好不，可有大奖等着你拿咧。 _________________ 我是个平凡的人，但我喜欢在平凡的日子里做不平凡的事情，每个人都可以这么来作去认为自己的存在。

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2008-04-24 02:38:46 Post subject:

中间一节与前后无关联，最后一句似乎也多余。总而言之，诗意没有很好的建立。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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