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献给秋天
杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2006-10-24 03:14:33    Post subject: 献给秋天 Reply with quote

《最后的苹果》

高蹈在枝梢的最后一颗熟苹果,等待
一只迟到的手掌
果园中走过无数短髭的男人
他们雄壮而懒散

面对着众生们疲软的欲望
眺望的处女
小脸冰冷至苍白
2006-10-24


《秋蚂蚱》

一只肥硕的秋蚂蚱
以蹲踞的姿势
生育

整个秋天于是匍匐作床单的形状
干净并略带皱褶
秋日的神情异常暧昧

一个儿童跳跃着
走过河堤
他和时间反向而行
2006-10-24
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2006-10-24 04:13:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

妙不可言
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维鹿延
秀才


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 212
Location: 中国广东
维鹿延Collection
PostPosted: 2006-10-24 09:05:38    Post subject: Reply with quote

言语不多,颇有思量。
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散步者身体里面的声音
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2006-10-25 03:33:48    Post subject: Reply with quote

月光 wrote:
妙不可言

谢谢,还请多批评。
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2006-10-25 03:35:08    Post subject: Reply with quote

维鹿延 wrote:
言语不多,颇有思量。

握手问好。
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左岸
秀才


Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-02 02:16:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

一个儿童跳跃着
走过河堤
他和时间反向而行
两首诗很有肌理,叙述优雅,意象疏朗,对语言的重新组织有自己可喜的特色,它们的结尾之奥妙,很让人放心不下,建议精华!不知如何行使
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黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-02 03:19:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

左岸 wrote:
一个儿童跳跃着
走过河堤
他和时间反向而行
两首诗很有肌理,叙述优雅,意象疏朗,对语言的重新组织有自己可喜的特色,它们的结尾之奥妙,很让人放心不下,建议精华!不知如何行使

很好的批评,精华就不必了。
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迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-02 18:52:54    Post subject: <秋蚂蚱>写的好 Reply with quote

<秋蚂蚱>写的好
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鹤雨
秀才


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 113
Location: 上海
鹤雨Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-02 20:38:51    Post subject: 喜欢第二个,很耐品的一首! Reply with quote

拜读学习了!
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