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柳含烟-柳
莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-04-17 23:30:34    Post subject: 柳含烟-柳 Reply with quote


湖边柳,翠芳春。水畔含烟低诉,柔丝自古付离人。劳诗魂。

笛语弄音谁度曲,惹得断肠别绪,不如松柏有精神。见雄浑。

柳含烟四十五字平韵:
  唐教坊曲名。《花间集》毛文锡词有“河桥柳,占芳春,映水含烟拂露”句,取为调名。
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection
PostPosted: 2008-04-18 08:53:48    Post subject: Reply with quote

岁寒知松柏,弱柳付离人,各陈其性,各具其神,

莹雪以为然否?
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喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2008-04-18 16:55:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

弱柳付离人,松柏自雄浑。一柔一刚,相得益彰。
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莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-04-19 00:25:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

黄洋界 wrote:
岁寒知松柏,弱柳付离人,各陈其性,各具其神,

莹雪以为然否?
黄老言之甚善。
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莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-04-19 00:29:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

qinghongh wrote:
弱柳付离人,松柏自雄浑。一柔一刚,相得益彰。
呵呵,只是想有些对比,才能突出主题。
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2008-04-19 05:01:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

湖边柳,翠芳春。水畔含烟低诉,柔丝自古付离人。劳诗魂。

笛语弄音谁度曲,惹得断肠别绪,不如松柏有精神。见雄浑。


"水畔含烟低诉, 柔丝自古付离人"
含情脉脉, 令人怜惜.

刚柔对比出新意, 但转意似乎过激.
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莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-04-19 21:32:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

冰清 wrote:
湖边柳,翠芳春。水畔含烟低诉,柔丝自古付离人。劳诗魂。
...
谢谢您的点评!问好 Razz
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是有缘
秀才


Joined: 08 Feb 2008
Posts: 741

是有缘Collection
PostPosted: 2008-04-20 15:51:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

整首词意境很好。觉得上下片的末句似有多余之感。一孔之见,不必在意。
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蜻蜓点水非无意 愁云化雨是有情
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莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-04-21 15:19:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

是有缘 wrote:
整首词意境很好。觉得上下片的末句似有多余之感。一孔之见,不必在意。
无妨,谢谢点评!
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