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最近六首,大家把把脉!
古井
秀才


Joined: 01 Jun 2007
Posts: 190

古井Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-31 20:23:12    Post subject: 最近六首,大家把把脉! Reply with quote

★火车票

上车前剪个口子
下车后再剪个口子

两个口子啊
一个,剪着这边
一个,剪着那边


★秧儿

秧儿来了
秧儿走了
秧儿挺个大肚子
秧儿左胳膊挽着黑纱
秧儿右胳膊别着红布
秧儿给男人招魂
秧儿为孩子避邪
秧儿哭着闹着
秧儿没哭
拨一拨坟头的荒草儿
二伯给老伴说着

★劝狗

不要再叫了
我不会带你去的
那几位诗人兄弟
和我一样,翻遍口袋
只够买半瓶酒
他们也喜欢狗
只是憎恨摇晃的尾巴

★发芽

我的眼泪浸泡着一座城堡
雾霭朦胧的黄昏
我随炊烟一降再降
落在地上摔成碎片,连同我的主
疲惫的飞鸟啊,请把我解救
从最深最痛处
从一粒种子
从芽胚


★春天,我把翅膀收拢

春天,我把翅膀收拢
收起古琴,收起明月
轻掩庙门,推敲而下
芳菲在咸阳散尽
王的行宫已经失火
我不是项羽
割不下人头

★中药

母亲的牙又痛了
母亲从来不去看
那年八月,我看到一个人
悄悄跑到月下割麦子
有时捂着嘴呜呜地哭

母亲,今天你不要再内疚地像犯了错
我刚回到家,你病了
你就不要再自责了,母亲
来,过来,过来躺下
就让我也围在床前
让我把这煎了多少年
熬了多少年的中药啊
倒出来
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2008-04-01 17:47:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

新意而有内涵的一组, 提起来
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nobody
进士出身


Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2008-04-01 18:20:06    Post subject: Reply with quote

都很好,尤其是后面几个。

母亲,今天你不要再内疚地像犯了错 的
我刚回到家,你病了 3
你就不e要再自责了,母亲
_________________
I'm nobody! Who are you?
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-04-01 19:21:49    Post subject: Reply with quote

这一组不错,最喜欢后面两个~
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