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２月１４的诗
半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-16 01:20:34    Post subject: ２月１４的诗 Reply with quote
２月１４的诗

【无题】

冬天很长很冷
雪，用白粉饰一切
深夜的咳嗽惊醒黎明
形影模糊的老人
游历在死亡的边缘
她是母亲的母亲
儿时仅见一面的亲人

春节过后，心病更重
传染了母亲的咳嗽
需用足够的温度和金钱
去抵御
残雪从大地慢慢撤退



【2月14的诗】



今年，这个节日被雪冻残
情人们的玫瑰藏在冬被下
迟迟不愿露头

被幸福和痛苦折磨的男人
用酒精焚烧自己
上帝和良心一直威吓着他

写下“爱”与“不爱”
笔头枯萎。情人节不属于我
而他需要安慰
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-16 04:19:15    Post subject: Reply with quote
第一首的语言很好，但诗意不是很明朗。 Very Happy
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杯中冲浪.披履而行
http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-16 04:54:25    Post subject: Reply with quote
杯中冲浪 wrote:
第一首的语言很好，但诗意不是很明朗。 Very Happy


谢狼兄指点 Very Happy
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山城子
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Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-16 22:17:23    Post subject: Reply with quote
喜欢第一首

——语言明白成意象的蕴涵，遂使诗旨深刻在隐喻中。
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诗是人生的雅伴儿。
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-19 16:32:11    Post subject: Reply with quote
山城子 wrote:
喜欢第一首

——语言明白成意象的蕴涵，遂使诗旨深刻在隐喻中。


知我者山城子老师也~ Very Happy
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遛达的七七
秀才


Joined: 07 Jun 2006
Posts: 329

遛达的七七Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-20 20:10:27    Post subject: Reply with quote
孤独的颜色象雪一样，美也可以这么病态
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上城
进士出身


Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-22 21:47:25    Post subject: Reply with quote
第二首更有意思也
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每个诗人都很重要
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-23 07:57:26    Post subject: Reply with quote
七小姐 wrote:
孤独的颜色象雪一样，美也可以这么病态


问好七～今天才知道姥姥在前两天去世了～
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-23 07:58:42    Post subject: Reply with quote
伤城 wrote:
第二首更有意思也

久没见你了，一切可好？新年万事如意～
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遛达的七七
秀才


Joined: 07 Jun 2006
Posts: 329

遛达的七七Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-23 10:32:41    Post subject: 明月， Reply with quote
往生极乐，明月不要难过太多，有一天还会再见
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-23 19:20:26    Post subject: Reply with quote
冬天很长很冷
雪，用白粉饰一切
深夜的咳嗽惊醒黎明
形影模糊的老人
游历在死亡的边缘
她是母亲的母亲
儿时仅见一面的亲人

春节过后，心病更重
传染了母亲的咳嗽
需用足够的温度和金钱
去抵御
残雪从大地慢慢撤退
_________________
走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-24 02:16:02    Post subject: Reply with quote
谢谢七和海军～
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钓月
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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-04-16 19:49:40    Post subject: Reply with quote
今年，这个节 6日被雪冻残
情人们的玫瑰藏在冬被下
迟迟不愿露头
呵呵,今年我也写过一首问好!
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欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮

http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875
http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-04-18 00:49:57    Post subject: 呵呵 Reply with quote
钓月 wrote:
今年，这个节 6日被雪冻残
...

是吗?贴出来晾晾?问好!
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