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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

溯

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2006-10-25 06:57:17 Post subject: 溯

溯很想撑一柄明黄的伞行在戴望舒笔下的雨巷像一朵飘于沉昏水色上的黄玫瑰流过郁黯的古巷点燃一盏盏风灯这时候尽管雨也潇潇但如歌这时候你遇见的不是结着愁怨的丁香一样的姑娘圈明媚的涟漪一串串这如火如阳如风的黄玫瑰啊有什么理由让你我不歌唱生活的美好 2006-10-25

和平岛
举人

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection

Posted: 2006-10-25 07:13:05 Post subject:

总是那一片淡淡的愁绪和忧伤经典 _________________ 写诗是为了写更好的诗

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2006-10-25 20:40:26 Post subject:

最后2句为败笔。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2006-10-26 02:52:19 Post subject: 谢谢两位老师点评~

已经感觉到后两句太直白了,待修改,多谢指点~

左岸
秀才

Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection

Posted: 2006-11-06 00:56:03 Post subject:

圈明媚的涟漪一串串这如火如阳如风的黄玫瑰啊有什么理由让你我不歌唱生活的美好诗的亮度想出来，似乎平了一些 _________________ 黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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