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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

《呼吸》

Holybolt
秀才

Joined: 27 Feb 2008
Posts: 110
Location: China
HolyboltCollection

Posted: 2008-03-04 04:52:22 Post subject: 《呼吸》

《呼吸》刘跃辰静逸从山体的细节处充盈着我的干涸和湿润起伏间我已消耗殆尽抚弄梦中的肩头就像抚弄一座座山峦空气迈着稀薄的脚步踏出连绵与高远我无法抛下你就像你无法丢弃我我和梨花都开了你却仍在犹豫你的舞动要配合我的音调我高亢，你要旋转我低沉，你要默默敞开怀抱我指引你，你也同时召唤我我准备放弃流动你却悄悄摊开昨日的期寄当我弃绝，你已学会保留在雨天，你会说“阳光” 如此接近的遥远我过于喜欢宁静于是，你说那就来数我的心跳 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/liuyuechen8

子花
秀才

Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2008-03-04 05:32:40 Post subject:

静逸从山体的细节处充盈着我的干涸和湿润起伏间我已消耗殆尽 --物我合一，好意境！！那就来数我的心跳---好句，学习！！

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2008-03-04 06:56:48 Post subject:

我和梨花都开了你却仍在犹豫第一段句子的节奏表达上还有些问题,其他都不错,欣赏了!

Holybolt
秀才

Joined: 27 Feb 2008
Posts: 110
Location: China
HolyboltCollection

Posted: 2008-03-07 18:16:52 Post subject:

感谢子花和半溪明月的阅读！握手^_^ _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/liuyuechen8

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2008-03-07 18:24:08 Post subject:

自然, 平实的语言, 流动着真实的情感.

Holybolt
秀才

Joined: 27 Feb 2008
Posts: 110
Location: China
HolyboltCollection

Posted: 2008-03-07 22:25:45 Post subject:

感谢白水 Moonlight 谢谢关注！握手^_^ _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/liuyuechen8

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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