溪语 秀才
Joined: 16 Mar 2007 Posts: 509 Location: 中国恩施 溪语Collection |
Posted: 2008-02-20 06:36:24 Post subject: 我在山后种辣椒 |
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我把辛辣和辛酸种进土里
让它长出一片森林
牛顿让万有引力伸向空中
辣椒注定指望大地
辣椒在初长成时叫青椒
被太阳晒多了就成红辣椒
往往辛辣的尖刻的语言
是红辣椒表现出来的
生活中我们只能用来
作偶尔的调味品
我把辣椒种在山后
我把红色藏进黑土
辣椒让我的时间破土而出
给客人感受青青的颜色 _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西 |
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杯中冲浪 进士出身
Joined: 29 Sep 2006 Posts: 2891 Location: 中国 杯中冲浪Collection |
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赵福治 探花
Joined: 30 May 2006 Posts: 3456 Location: 中国北京 赵福治Collection |
Posted: 2008-02-21 03:42:32 Post subject: |
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把辛辣和辛酸种进土里...读,问好. |
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阿依琼裙 秀才
Joined: 09 Apr 2007 Posts: 920 Location: 废墟之上 阿依琼裙Collection |
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荷梦 进士出身
Joined: 19 Dec 2006 Posts: 2826 Location: 湖北,黄梅 荷梦Collection |
Posted: 2008-02-21 18:58:48 Post subject: |
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我把辛辣和辛酸种进土里
让它长出一片森林
最喜欢这两行! |
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溪语 秀才
Joined: 16 Mar 2007 Posts: 509 Location: 中国恩施 溪语Collection |
Posted: 2008-02-21 21:56:18 Post subject: |
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杯中冲浪 wrote: |
问好溪语,感觉叙述太密集,语言缺乏一种断。 |
杯兄总是很中肯的提出你的意见.谢了! _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西 |
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溪语 秀才
Joined: 16 Mar 2007 Posts: 509 Location: 中国恩施 溪语Collection |
Posted: 2008-02-21 21:57:27 Post subject: |
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赵福治 wrote: |
把辛辣和辛酸种进土里...读,问好. |
赵兄请了,问好! _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西 |
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溪语 秀才
Joined: 16 Mar 2007 Posts: 509 Location: 中国恩施 溪语Collection |
Posted: 2008-02-21 22:01:20 Post subject: |
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阿依琼裙 荷梦两位诗人美女,小子在此一并谢了! _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西 |
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nobody 进士出身
Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 2651 Location: Madtown nobodyCollection |
Posted: 2008-02-21 22:13:27 Post subject: |
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直言下。
内容上不够引人关注。技巧上也略欠亮色。感觉不如你其他一些作品。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you? |
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溪语 秀才
Joined: 16 Mar 2007 Posts: 509 Location: 中国恩施 溪语Collection |
Posted: 2008-02-21 22:28:55 Post subject: |
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能够如此坦然说出自己的看法,指出眼中的不足.已经是难能可贵了.我们应该推崇这种精神并感谢之.其实我对本首也不甚满意,除了有几个句子尚有可取,其他深度不足.愿兄长常以挑剔之目光看小弟.则小子甚幸!! _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西 |
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半溪明月 榜眼
Joined: 30 Sep 2006 Posts: 4760
半溪明月Collection |
Posted: 2008-02-22 02:59:56 Post subject: |
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他们都说了,我就问个好吧~ |
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