Maple Review :: View topic - 我在山后种辣椒

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

我在山后种辣椒

溪语
秀才

Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 509
Location: 中国恩施
溪语Collection

Posted: 2008-02-20 06:36:24 Post subject: 我在山后种辣椒

我把辛辣和辛酸种进土里让它长出一片森林牛顿让万有引力伸向空中辣椒注定指望大地辣椒在初长成时叫青椒被太阳晒多了就成红辣椒往往辛辣的尖刻的语言是红辣椒表现出来的生活中我们只能用来作偶尔的调味品我把辣椒种在山后我把红色藏进黑土辣椒让我的时间破土而出给客人感受青青的颜色 _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2008-02-20 18:17:32 Post subject:

问好溪语，感觉叙述太密集，语言缺乏一种断。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

赵福治
探花

Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection

Posted: 2008-02-21 03:42:32 Post subject:

把辛辣和辛酸种进土里...读,问好.

阿依琼裙
秀才

Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection

Posted: 2008-02-21 04:00:02 Post subject:

我把辛辣和辛酸种进土里让它长出一片森林问好溪语！ _________________ 踏过废墟,走来 http://blog.sina.com.cn/m/weiyurong

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2008-02-21 18:58:48 Post subject:

我把辛辣和辛酸种进土里让它长出一片森林最喜欢这两行！

溪语
秀才

Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 509
Location: 中国恩施
溪语Collection

Posted: 2008-02-21 21:56:18 Post subject:

杯中冲浪 wrote:

问好溪语，感觉叙述太密集，语言缺乏一种断。

杯兄总是很中肯的提出你的意见.谢了!
_________________
溪语的博客:家住鄂西

溪语
秀才

Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 509
Location: 中国恩施
溪语Collection

Posted: 2008-02-21 21:57:27 Post subject:

赵福治 wrote:

把辛辣和辛酸种进土里...读,问好.

赵兄请了,问好!
_________________
溪语的博客:家住鄂西

溪语
秀才

Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 509
Location: 中国恩施
溪语Collection

Posted: 2008-02-21 22:01:20 Post subject:

阿依琼裙荷梦两位诗人美女,小子在此一并谢了! _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2008-02-21 22:13:27 Post subject:

直言下。内容上不够引人关注。技巧上也略欠亮色。感觉不如你其他一些作品。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

溪语
秀才

Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 509
Location: 中国恩施
溪语Collection

Posted: 2008-02-21 22:28:55 Post subject:

nobody wrote:

直言下。
...

能够如此坦然说出自己的看法,指出眼中的不足.已经是难能可贵了.我们应该推崇这种精神并感谢之.其实我对本首也不甚满意,除了有几个句子尚有可取,其他深度不足.愿兄长常以挑剔之目光看小弟.则小子甚幸!!
_________________
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半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2008-02-22 02:59:56 Post subject:

他们都说了，我就问个好吧～

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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