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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌 Post new topic   Reply to topic
《二月》
张世明
童生


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 78

张世明Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-04 04:14:59    Post subject: 《二月》 Reply with quote
《二月》

雨雪一停
二月就轻悄悄地来了

她驾着滑翔机
没有马达的轰鸣
更听不见
任何细微的声音

她越过山川
飞过广袤的原野
一路忙忙碌碌
她一边收敛阳光和风
一边撒播怀孕的春色
种植含苞的鸟语……
2008.02.01

《请打开春天》

请望望蓝天
看看笑脸
请伸出揣了一冬的双手
打开明媚的春天

请翻到立春
先熟悉熟悉扁担锄头
以及刚刚解冻的土地
请继续翻阅
再认识认识肥料
以及憋了整整一冬的种子

请记住——
“一年之计在于春”
请握紧犁耙的手
一起把日子一页页翻动
2008.02.04
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-04 20:00:50    Post subject: Reply with quote
喜欢最后一首，但结尾不好。
_________________
杯中冲浪.披履而行
http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006
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溪语
秀才


Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 509
Location: 中国恩施
溪语Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-04 23:03:33    Post subject: Reply with quote
请翻到立春
先熟悉熟悉扁担锄头
以及刚刚解冻的土地
请继续翻阅
再认识认识肥料
以及憋了整整一冬的种子
_________________
溪语的博客:家住鄂西
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张世明
童生


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 78

张世明Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-05 03:15:41    Post subject: Reply with quote
杯中冲浪 wrote:
喜欢最后一首，但结尾不好。

谢谢指正。新年好/
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张世明
童生


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 78

张世明Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-05 03:16:20    Post subject: Reply with quote
溪语 wrote:
请翻到立春
...

新年好/
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陈若祥
秀才


Joined: 12 Feb 2007
Posts: 470
Location: 中国*安徽
陈若祥Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-10 05:24:43    Post subject: Reply with quote
杯中冲浪 wrote:
喜欢最后一首，但结尾不好。

结尾有些直了,味不够足.可不可以删去?
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张世明
童生


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 78

张世明Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-11 16:51:12    Post subject: Reply with quote
陈若祥 wrote:
杯中冲浪 wrote:
喜欢最后一首，但结尾不好。

结尾有些直了,味不够足.可不可以删去?

谢谢批评/新年好/
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-11 16:59:25    Post subject: Reply with quote
不错的诗歌
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走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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