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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

葬花

苏茉儿
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Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 739

苏茉儿Collection

Posted: 2008-01-22 06:06:29 Post subject: 葬花

是不是就这样碎了？碎了！碎了！就这么轻易的碎了，这碎裂声是如此的真实。我的梦啊！真的就这样碎了吗？碎了！碎了！就这样真实的碎了，这碎裂声是如此的清脆。我的心啊！趁我的灵魂对肉体，还有一丝丝眷恋的时候。我一定要将它们轻轻拾起，和黛玉一起，葬在你的诗笺上！ _________________ 默默无言处，盈盈一笑间。

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2008-01-22 06:36:40 Post subject:

语言不错，问好苏茉儿，很好听的名字～

苏茉儿
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Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 739

苏茉儿Collection

Posted: 2008-01-22 10:51:24 Post subject:

谢谢明月。。。问你好。。。很高兴认识你。 _________________ 默默无言处，盈盈一笑间。

刘雨萍
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Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
刘雨萍Collection

Posted: 2008-01-22 13:04:24 Post subject:

茉儿开始葬花啦？把心保护好，还年轻呢 _________________ 隔海抒情

苏茉儿
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Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 739

苏茉儿Collection

Posted: 2008-01-23 11:32:54 Post subject:

刘雨萍 wrote:

茉儿开始葬花啦？把心保护好，还年轻呢 Laughing

嗯，红颜多薄命呀。。。。
问好问好。。。。。。。。
_________________
默默无言处，盈盈一笑间。

嘉慕思
童生

Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 78
Location: 佳木斯
嘉慕思Collection

Posted: 2008-01-23 22:51:50 Post subject:

美丽的破碎的灵魂啊偏偏要由哀怨的肉体承载问候你! 我听到了清脆的声音. _________________ 我为自己唱挽歌---文学是个人的选择,不是集体的强加

苏茉儿
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Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 739

苏茉儿Collection

Posted: 2008-01-24 14:03:51 Post subject:

哀怨，哀怨那。。。。问嘉慕思好！ _________________ 默默无言处，盈盈一笑间。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2008-01-24 14:28:37 Post subject:

我一定要将它们轻轻拾起，和黛玉一起，葬在你的诗笺上！不错

博弈
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Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2008-01-24 20:08:51 Post subject: Re: 葬花

苏茉儿 wrote:

是不是就这样碎了？
...

前两端用到 “Motif" 的方式，不错。既有音乐性也有文学性。
可是这诗短了些，要多加些内容会更不错。
_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

山城子
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Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection

Posted: 2008-01-25 07:18:26 Post subject:

深得诗经的笔法！-问好！学习！ _________________ 诗是人生的雅伴儿。

苏茉儿
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Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 739

苏茉儿Collection

Posted: 2008-01-25 08:55:54 Post subject:

谢谢博弈，山城子，谢谢意见，同学共进。。。。问你们好！ _________________ 默默无言处，盈盈一笑间。

苏茉儿
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Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 739

苏茉儿Collection

Posted: 2008-01-25 09:12:01 Post subject:

哎呀，真该死，忘了我们可爱的白水姑娘，，，嗯嗯，，，我一边思过去了。再给白姑娘奉上一杯尚好的茉莉花差。。。 _________________ 默默无言处，盈盈一笑间。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2008-01-26 21:21:12 Post subject:

谢谢你的茉莉花差,你怎么知道我不喝茶

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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