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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌讲习交流班 Post new topic   Reply to topic
桃花源里掏花开
JMX2007
童生


Joined: 22 Nov 2007
Posts: 14
Location: 百度
JMX2007Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-30 17:23:49    Post subject: 桃花源里掏花开 Reply with quote

桃花源里桃花开

人间仙境共徘徊

放下名利轻舟快

驶进桃花源中来

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JMX2007衷心感谢徐晓辉老师的帮助,我一定好好学习,不辜负您的盛情!
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kokho
进士出身


Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-12-03 03:01:03    Post subject: Reply with quote



这看来像古诗。。

看看版面 [格律检验 ]

你可以去那边玩玩 可以把这首 写成 古风、七绝 或者 七律呢 :)

。。

你这首,韵处理的清楚。。 内容如果能够 再有些意外 更好!

起承转结 最后的结 如果可以加强 会跟好 。。

我不是 古诗专家,你到古诗版 交交朋友 。。

。。
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乒乓、摄影、诗歌
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柿子
秀才


Joined: 25 Sep 2007
Posts: 137
Location: 中国河南商丘职业技术学院大一
柿子Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-18 11:13:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

和唐伯虎的桃花庵里桃花开差不多啊,古风味重啊
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心到、意到。
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