Maple Review Home
   Chinese Literature Society of North America | Maple Review | Immigrants in Canada | Angel Studio | The Driftwood Artist Society | Ocean of Poetry | Island of Music
"HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007. 		  
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister  ProfileProfile    Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Sign inSign in   BlogsBlogs    Weblogs NewsWeblogs News   AlbumAlbum 
English Home Bilingual Home Chinese Home
Dictionary Check Poems' Rules & Forms Search for Chinese Poems Poetry & Music

Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌 Post new topic   Reply to topic
《梦雪》
威海
童生


Joined: 05 Nov 2007
Posts: 27

威海Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-24 06:58:33    Post subject: 《梦雪》 Reply with quote
梦雪
威海

闭上眼 很久
还是漆黑的一片
忽然有了那么一刻
有风 有雪 有你

风扬起围巾
你我走在一片从未有过的地方
当最后一片雪花落上枯枝
大地 已是林海雪原

当光划破天际
雪开始消融
你我留下的脚印
和雪消失在身后的回忆

睁开眼
看一看窗外：“雪白世界”
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Blog
詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-24 07:50:34    Post subject: Reply with quote
恩，白雪里的温暖。
把一些字丢掉试试，例如：当。
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Blog
威海
童生


Joined: 05 Nov 2007
Posts: 27

威海Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-24 09:43:38    Post subject: Reply with quote
詩盜喜裸評 wrote:
恩，白雪里的温暖。
把一些字丢掉试试，例如：当。

欢迎 我会注意的 谢 Laughing
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Blog
迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-24 16:52:56    Post subject: Reply with quote
第3段

第1行“当”去掉

第4行“和”最好改为“是”

其余，不错。
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
威海
童生


Joined: 05 Nov 2007
Posts: 27

威海Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-25 16:11:44    Post subject: Reply with quote
迪拜 wrote:
第3段

第1行“当”去掉

第4行“和”最好改为“是”

其余，不错。

Embarassed 谢谢迪拜老师的一直关注!我会努力的!!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Blog
Display posts from previous:   
Emoticons
Very Happy Smile Sad Surprised
Shocked Confused Cool Laughing
Mad Razz Embarassed Crying or Very sad
Evil or Very Mad Twisted Evil Rolling Eyes Wink
Exclamation Question Idea Arrow
View more Emoticons
Page 1 of 1           View previous topic View next topic    
Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌    Post new topic   Reply to topic
Jump to:  


Once you post your works here, that means you submits them to the magazine of Maple Review (North American Maple, or BeiMeiFeng), a bilingual journal published by Chinese Literature Society of North America. The magazine holds the right to translate them into Chinese, and publish them in both languages. You need to be responsible for the copyright issues of your own files uploaded.
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
phpBB Chinese interface was translated by iCy-fLaME