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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

下午的音乐：《出埃及记》

刘雨萍
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Joined: 25 Jan 2007
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Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
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Posted: 2008-01-17 13:38:25 Post subject: 下午的音乐：《出埃及记》

下午的音乐：《出埃及记》下午的阳光倦怠地停在半山腰照进我们的房间我们躺在床上一一数着所有幸福过的日子。面对将来有着无法排遣的伤感你取出iPod，把耳机一只挂在我耳朵上一只留给自己也许音乐可以引领我们点化我们生命中无法承受的重我们听的是不同版本的出埃及记乔瓦尼用钢琴把红海的水铺天盖地地引来......淹没我们还有马克西姆质地浑厚的重金属锤打在西奈山的旷野里追逐着以色列民迷失的脚步你侧过脸来吻我，我接住你的吻红海的波浪正在合拢我们慢慢地的沉没于海底被大地抛弃他会来引渡我们吗在旷野他的烟柱和云彩正笼罩在他子民的头上隔离他们，把他们从埃及的苦难和快乐中隔离出来然后，在去路未知的旷野用他救赎的爱买回他们对他迟疑不决的爱那么，我们在哪里呢？ -- 在横隔着埃及和旷野的红海底死于爱情 8/2/07 _________________ 隔海抒情

荷梦
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Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
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Posted: 2008-01-17 15:05:01 Post subject:

感觉满了些，是否可以再精练些？——个人愚见！

nobody
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Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2008-01-17 15:14:32 Post subject:

他会来引渡我们吗在旷野他的烟柱和云彩正笼罩在他子民的头上隔离他们，把他们从埃及的苦难和快乐中隔离出来然后，在去路未知的旷野用他救赎的爱买回他们对他迟疑不决的爱 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

moonlight
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Joined: 25 Dec 2006
Posts: 31
Location: TORONTO
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Posted: 2008-01-17 15:30:58 Post subject:

也许音乐可以引领我们点化我们生命中无法承受的重

半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
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半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2008-01-17 23:00:41 Post subject:

他会来引渡我们吗在旷野他的烟柱和云彩正笼罩在他子民的头上隔离他们，把他们从埃及的苦难和快乐中隔离出来然后，在去路未知的旷野用他救赎的爱买回他们对他迟疑不决的爱

刘雨萍
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Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
刘雨萍Collection

Posted: 2008-01-18 13:32:11 Post subject:

荷梦 wrote:

感觉满了些，是否可以再精练些？——个人愚见！

谢谢提议。我个人想，有些情绪是需要把它满满地排泄出去，所以就满了些。 Embarassed

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刘雨萍
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Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
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Posted: 2008-01-18 13:36:13 Post subject:

谢谢NOBODY,白水，还有明月。 _________________ 隔海抒情

杯中冲浪
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Joined: 29 Sep 2006
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Location: 中国
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Posted: 2008-01-19 17:21:37 Post subject:

你侧过脸来吻我，我接住你的吻红海的波浪正在合拢我们慢慢地的沉没于海底被大地抛弃 ——对于宗教故事感觉不适很多，但诗人自己的爱情生活却给人无限美好的描绘。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

苏茉儿
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苏茉儿Collection

Posted: 2008-01-19 18:06:36 Post subject:

嗯，我也建议再精简些。。。会更好。。。 _________________ 默默无言处，盈盈一笑间。

刘雨萍
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Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
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Posted: 2008-01-21 08:59:09 Post subject:

荷梦和茉儿都建议精简，我得考虑该如何做减法。一并谢谢两位的建议。看来冲浪更喜欢人类的爱情，我也是。 _________________ 隔海抒情

詩盜喜裸評
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Posted: 2008-01-21 18:48:53 Post subject:

刘雨萍 wrote:

荷梦和茉儿都建议精简，我得考虑该如何做减法。一并谢谢两位的建议。
...

雨萍MM，收了建议，别忘了到（落尘）晒晒！
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

刘雨萍
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Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
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Posted: 2008-01-22 13:00:23 Post subject:

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:

刘雨萍 wrote:

荷梦和茉儿都建议精简，我得考虑该如何做减法。一并谢谢两位的建议。
...

雨萍MM，收了建议，别忘了到（落尘）晒晒！

诗盗DD的晒场，我是初一不来，初二一定来滴。
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嘉慕思
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Joined: 12 Jan 2008
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Location: 佳木斯
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Posted: 2008-01-23 22:42:42 Post subject:

好!欣赏! 只有音乐能偷走你的灵魂,只有爱情能把她领回来. 听说雨萍是个美女诗人,羡慕! _________________ 我为自己唱挽歌---文学是个人的选择,不是集体的强加

刘雨萍
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Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
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Posted: 2008-01-24 14:15:58 Post subject:

嘉慕思 wrote:

好!欣赏!
...

“美女诗人”的说法不知从何而来，骂杀我了 Embarassed

心里有诗的人都是美丽的。
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