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九月的麦子 
替玫瑰哭泣
童生


Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Posts: 22

替玫瑰哭泣Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-23 23:59:07    Post subject: 九月的麦子  Reply with quote

九月的麦子   

文 / 南方

走进秋天
是一种血的思念

饥渴的土地
倒影着落日殉情的姿态
破碎的夕阳
以一种破碎了的心情
在九月的树梢里星星点点
啊满耳的季节的蹙音
来了的去
去了的来
似乎一个逐渐枯萎的故事
生长在眼里
生长在九月的麦地

南方
一切都在漂泊

一切都在漂泊
我在秋天里走进秋天
寻找埋葬自己的土地
南方
麦地里一片伤痕累累
干瘪
那是母亲们的乳房
让村庄哀伤的麦地

让村庄哀伤的麦地
还在远方
可怜的流浪儿还在流浪
母亲村庄饥渴的土地
升起又落下
落下又升起
日日夜夜天天年年
麦地无际无边

九月的麦子在秋天
思念别人的土地


_________________
黑夜低喃着睡梦/也许,我所寻求的/不过是诗一般的碎迷/而我无法忘怀的/是那——— 拥你于怀的无语
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-24 08:01:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

起首太强列,会令人觉着突兀。结尾收的好,若起首能以相同语态处理(还有中间),应当好些。
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可情可理,去捧就真
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