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雪,飘落在跳板上(2008苏州河系列之六)
漂之雨
童生


Joined: 01 Dec 2006
Posts: 53

漂之雨Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-21 05:41:03    Post subject: 雪,飘落在跳板上(2008苏州河系列之六) Reply with quote

雪,飘落在跳板上(2008苏州河系列之六)

文/漂之雨

烟囱对峙的河畔
北风吹
烟尘顺流而下

帆扛着风
风系浪
浪打跳板

一月的雪飘落水
雪的残赅
冰凌了跳板的岁月

霜花 雪花
在这动情的波涛中
我张大嘴

2008-1-21
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-21 08:04:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

结尾很有趣味性,也有戏剧效果。
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可情可理,去捧就真
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沙漠
秀才


Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-21 22:53:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

挺精致!
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个人博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1056295180
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佳忆
童生


Joined: 14 Jan 2008
Posts: 96

佳忆Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-21 23:28:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

提读...一语道出精彩..
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我只说三句话,加上上面的一句,我的话说完了
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单菲
童生


Joined: 06 Dec 2007
Posts: 17

单菲Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-22 06:42:40    Post subject: Reply with quote

帆扛着风
风系浪
浪打跳板

叙说有力度,握手!
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-22 06:59:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

有点虚了~
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