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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

刚写了一首，向大家学习

维鹿延
秀才

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 212
Location: 中国广东
维鹿延Collection

Posted: 2006-11-07 02:15:29 Post subject: 刚写了一首，向大家学习

木雕没有树叶的时候我希望有树叶张开双臂十个手指和表面的指纹是否标榜着苏醒和方向当我坐在东平河北一栋有花园的房子里房子里的一间办公大厅大厅里的一格小座我透过面前的玻璃墙因为看不见天空我只好低头俯视土地就在我的座位下面土地就在水泥和钢铁的下面直至地下三万公里肥沃的营养使佛山更加坚硬还开出网络的花朵而我变成木雕并且不会老去 20061107 _________________ 散步者身体里面的声音

萨福
童生

Joined: 07 Oct 2006
Posts: 32

萨福Collection

Posted: 2006-11-07 05:30:47 Post subject:

拜读.

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2006-11-07 06:20:22 Post subject:

木雕？人？或者二者同时兼具？诗歌最大的美就在此处。不过最后的结尾实在太平凡。没有飞起来。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2006-11-07 07:04:21 Post subject:

此诗看似平淡, 却有很大的想象空间

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2006-11-07 17:10:43 Post subject: 不错

结构平和趋于淡化但是,又能驱使人回味

moonlight
童生

Joined: 25 Dec 2006
Posts: 31
Location: TORONTO
moonlightCollection

Posted: 2008-01-01 03:33:35 Post subject:

飞雪春风又一度, 新朋老友何日归? 遥祝新年快乐

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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