诗人非马(William Marr)的英文诗集《Autumn Window》赏析

[非马]

同意博弈对诗2的分析, 第二节有点多余.
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[博弈]

再来赏析几首诗。诗附于文后。

中国人在海外以英文写诗这个问题困扰了我很久。一般上，中文诗人多拿西方的语法概念来写中国，较少华语诗人以英文来写中国。在这里我看到了非马以英文描述的中国情怀。以英文为母语的人就很难以非马这个角度来写，这牵涉到西方人或华裔二代所看到的长城，黄河，黄山，看的是表面的历史古迹，壮观，美丽等，看不到历史文化面的深度，因为这需要具备中国文化生活的底子。除了以<1>的方式读每一行外, 看 “The Great Wall” 一诗，文明与野蛮的斗争在这自古盘来龙脊上留下痕迹，想必诗人站在那上头时，怕要因深视深思发而愣一会儿的。这诗里有两个词语的部分值得修辞的赏析，self-adjusting lens, 我即刻想到的是自动对焦的相机（多么肤浅，照个表面），但上一行有“long and hard” 那就不可能是相机，而是眼睛，或眼睛藉着望远镜；”that sprawls miles and miles/in the wasteland/of time“这里的”miles and miles”藉wasteland 的中介，形容了时与空。如果收尾在“that sprawls miles and miles/in the wasteland”即止，非常符合上下文，但意味就淡得多了。这样也回头又加强了‘look long and hard’的溢于表面的看长城。

“Yellow River” 一诗，第一段以地理，第二段以历史，让我想起曾有历史学家说早期的华夏文明就是一个与黄河搏斗的文明，与河清难伺这句成语。第一段的昆仑与青海以英文发音竟给我一种庄严神圣的感受。第二段把源头指向受苦受难的人的眼眶，以历史控诉的眼光看，源头如此不同，两段也更产生对比的力量。

”PORTERS ON MOUNT HUANGSHAN “里我注意到两个词，‘press by’，‘coolie’；
Coolie 对英语而言是个音译外来语（源自印度语，但不知为何竟然和中文的‘苦力’那么吻合）；’press by’ 初读时不解，再读两次，我的理解是‘压面而过’（没亲身到过黄山，只在朋友的照片与叙述里去过），这个面可以是人的脸或地面，因为狭窄的缘故。Coolie 和clog 也有声音形象的效果（clog 本身就有声音的形象）。黄山何其美，苦力使其摇晃，苦力何其本事？思之默然。

这是个人的读法，如有出入，还请指点。

从这三首诗中，诗人在壮观大美的题目上，却见人性悲天悯人的胸怀。另外我发现，非马在写大问题时常藉小人物来写，视野并不局限于中国，或中国文化；而在其他的诗里，不论中英文，也触及饥荒，种族隔离，战争等（地域含中东，越南，非洲等），并把这关怀提升到人性的高度，值得学习；致以敬意。


THE GREAT WALL


1

the struggle between civilization
and barbarism
must be ferocious

see this Great Wall
it twists and turns
with no end in sight

2

what valor
to climb the ragged ridge
and to look long and hard
through a self-adjusting lens
at the skeleton of the dragon
that sprawls miles and miles
in the wasteland
of time



http://home.comcast.net/~wmarr9/autumn.htm#yellowriver

Yellow River


If you trace up the turbid current
you will find
as any geography book can tell you
the Kunlun Mountains in Qinghai

Yet according to history's bloody accounts
this river
which turns clear at most
once in a thousand years
has its origin in millions of eye sockets
of suffering human beings



PORTERS ON MOUNT HUANGSHAN


Every step
makes the whole mountain shake
and tilt

We turn sideways at the edge
of the steep stone steps
to let their heavy burden
and panting breath
press by
then listen to their bent legs
rattling on

coolie
clog

coolie
clog

coolie
clog ...
_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

[非马]

谢谢博弈的铨释。我想也只有有中国情怀的评者才能真正领会这些诗吧。
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欢迎访问<非马艺术世界>
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[博弈]

這是昨晚我讓老二(14歲)挑三首, 寫一個讀感; 今晚他給我的,
我一字未更動, 這樣算一個天真的第一印象讀者吧.
老大還沒告訴我, 大一功課似乎較重.

Fog
- This poem tells me to see the world for what it truly is. As said in the second and third line to see the world nakedly, it’s as if it tells me to look past all the fog which would be wars and sadness and find true happiness as I look at the world in all of its innocence.

A Post-It Note
- “They’ll be cold and sweet when you get home”. Many will find different interpretations from this that will differ from mine, but that is to be expected when everyone has a different point of view. To me, this simple yet elegant fifteen word poem comes alive in the vision of the human race. Growing past simple text on a piece of paper, it delivers the message that if one were to deliver bad news they should do it in person. Cell phones being the post-it notes of today’s society, no one would enjoy having a message about bad news such as a text explaining why it won’t work out, or one about bankruptcy. With these actions no one takes responsibility and with no responsibility taken, the world may as well have no moral value. In simpler words, for one to deliver a note about joyful things with good intention is welcomed by all, however delivering one solely based on words designed to depress the human race and not being there to help them through would be looked down upon. That is how this quote speaks to me.

Extraterrestrials
-In today’s world, people live without knowing true hardship. Even as the economy declines and suffers, people who have houses make the entire world revolve around them. While the foolish people living in comfortable houses worry about how to get unique food that’s considered only edible to them, people in Africa ponder how they can earn enough money just to send their children to school. As we watch our televisions eating dinner, a commercial flashes on about the people in Africa. However we switch the channel or change our focus on something else that would be of higher priority than that of watching a commercial on starving children. The behavior of people in the world needs to be changed and that is what I believe the poem is trying to state.
_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

[博弈]

I am surprised to read his views as so different from my naive expectations, guess the education in high school is very up-to-date in terms of US economy; news of bankruptcy or bank failures in TV these days, nation-wide or state-wide even had impact on kids' view of the world, I guess.
_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

[非马]

I am always happy to see fresh interpretations of my poems, especially from the younger generation. A poem that can be viewed from different angles to yield different meanings is, in my opinion, a live poem. I hope all of my poems can grow with time, like trees.
_________________
欢迎访问<非马艺术世界>
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[博弈]

Yes, it is fun to see how kids read out of it.
I look at his "Cell phones being the post-it notes of today’s society",
thinking: Oh yes, I am the older generation now, they don't use post-it note,
they use text messages. But text messaging does not have that 'later found' effect.

Maybe, time for a new poem the subject being cell phone message,..
_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

[博弈]

<3> 形式与内容的贯穿两种语言别

在上面<2.4>　的部分談到無意象的卻有詩意詩境的詩.

<3.1> 西方的　imagery 与 中國的意象有什麼不同?

秋, autumn 除了意義外有無意象? 在英文里autumn 单独一个字是归为 image-less，并且无意象的。對於不知這兩種語言的人而言（想象三个部落的人，第一个说秋，第二个说 autumn, 而现在季节为夏，第三个人并不认识前两人的语言），聲音的第一接觸都不具形象（‘秋’或许还有些虫鸣的摹声）；對於知道這語言的人，听到秋或 autumn，或许有一些字面外的联想，比如某些地区的人会直接跳出枫叶的心里的图像，某些地区的人会直接跳出落叶的心里的图像，中文的词语（比如秋水，秋老虎）也可能借完整化一个词语因引申其它联想。对于知道这两种语言，而后视觉上看到这两个字符的人而言， autumn 没有 image，秋就具有意象(禾与火，古人云禾穀孰也). 这个例子说明，追到根源，汉字的意象根植于字的本身，字里已经具有 image 与 figure，音节文字也有字根，字首，象声词（哪个语言没有？），具有潜伏的字象可以引导，但相对是少了许多的。这是汉字与英语一个极大的区别，在这区别上，对于意象后来的理解就有了微妙的不同，也影响到对诗的审美。以非马的 Autumn 一诗来看，

Autumn

a busy season
so many dreams
to sweep up

suddenly she rises
saying
it's time to go
then turns
and leaves

除了 sweep up dreams 可视为一种V+O异类修辞的隐喻（a figure of speech ），全诗的字属于无 image , 但合起来搭配上诗题是却有意境（意象与意境还是有些许区别的，虽然中文的定义一般都不很清楚）。李清照的“寻寻觅觅，冷冷清清，凄凄惨惨戚戚。乍暖还寒时候，最难将息。”也可以说是有意境而无意象的诗句（如果加上西方对文学 imagery 的定义，那就也包含意象，因为修辞文法的蓄意（前十四字）是列为一种感官心理认知上的意象）。 回头参照Wittgenstein 的语言图像理论，我们或许可以这么说，语义逻辑与现实世界的对应是图象关系，非逻辑且为人所能理解的便是意象。如此，诗的Imagism 也可视为创造意象的语言的分支运用了。先前的William Carlos Williams　亦是　Imagism　的一位诗人。非马诗人我觉得不能归为Imagism。继 Imagism 之后的Beat, 黑山等等，到了Language Poetry 我就觉得比较回归到诗的中庸，非马先生的诗，有一些的也类似　Language Poetry, 但我觉得“笔‘画’”的味道是比较明显特出的。

<3.2> 文法的诗

谈到这个就不能不提这最有名的例子，普希金的　 “Ja vas ljubil”　 (我曾爱过你 )，这里我也将原文贴出（我不认识俄文，但这个例子是研究诗文法与诗结构著名的例子，详细可以参考 Roman Jakobson 对此的彻底分析，以英文）。我想提的，两点：1）词性与文法的不可翻译；2）文法的喻象（我暂如此翻译，figure of grammar）.

<3.2.1> Ja vas ljubil by Aleksandr Sergeevich Pushkin (1799-1837) ; Language: Russian.

Ja vas ljubil: ljubov' jeshchjo, byt' mozhet,
V dushe mojej ugasla ne sovsem;
No pust' ona vas bol'she ne trevozhit:
Ja ne khochu pechalit' vas nichem.

Ja vas ljubil bezmolvno, beznadezhno,
To robost'ju, to revnost'ju tomim;
Ja vas ljubil tak iskrenno, tak nezhno,
Kak daj vam Bog ljubimoj byt' drugim.

英译

I loved you: love has not yet, it may be,
Died out completely in my soul;
But let it not trouble you any more;
I do not wish to sadden you in any way.

I loved you silently, hopelessly,
Tormented now by shyness, now by jealousy;
I loved you so truly, so tenderly
As God may grant you to be loved by another.


我曾爱过你
爱情？也许
在我的心灵里还没有完全消亡
但愿他不会再去打扰你
我也不想再是你难过悲伤
我曾经默默无语地，毫无指望地爱过你
我既忍着羞怯，有忍着嫉妒的折磨
我曾经那样真诚，那样温柔的爱过你
但愿上帝保佑你，另一个人也会像我一样爱你。

这里，同样的，除了“爱情消亡“有修辞上的语法（a lexicalized metaphor），其他的都是直白的陈述句，没有比喻，意象或形象。
原诗的第一个英文翻译在大约１００年后才出来，因为它难以以英文翻出来，每翻一句就丢失了一些东西，主要在原诗内语言词性与文法的变化(40多種)与平行对照,英文受制于先天条件，也没有办法解决，中文译本基本上是全丢了，只剩下意义。对于这种无象之歌所剩余能做只有解释，而非翻译。Jackobson 声称捷克文（Czech）的翻译最接近原文的文法美。这是以一较极致的例子说明第一点，词性与文法的不可翻译，这也是在可翻译的前提下来讨论的。（如果要照奎英的翻译不定论，那么，翻译都是一种后设的解释了。又，中文字的‘她’大概是近代汉字最伟大的发明，可惜刘半农最终未能为她确立一个不同的声音，我们只能从文字（阅读）上判断，语言（口语听觉）上仍不明辨。'她‘是最独特的翻译，是一个创造。）


<3.2.2>
以放大鏡, 透視光來看這首詩;　
http://home.comcast.net/~wmarr9/pautumngb.htm#BirdCage

先把词性标示在右，如下；


Bird Cage
1. open 　　＜－　ｖｅｒｂ　ｗｉｔｈ　１　ｐａｒａｍｅｔｅｒ

2. the 　　＜－　ｄｅｆｉｎｉｔｅ　ａｒｔｉｃｌｅ

3. cage　　＜－　ｎｏｕｎ

4. let the bird fly　　＜ｉｍｐｅｒａｔｉｖｅ　


5. away　＜－　ａｄｖｅｒｂ


6. and　　＜－　ｃｏｎｊｕｃｔｉｏｎ

7. give　　＜－　ｖｅｒｂ　ｗｉｔｈ　２　ｐａｒａｍｅｔｅｒｓ

8. the cage　＜－　ｄｅｆ. + ｎｏｕｎ

9. back　　＜－　ａｄｖｅｒｂ

10. its　　　＜－　ａｄｊｅｃｔｉｖｅ

11. freedom　　＜－　ｎｏｕｎ

这里，除了看到词性的多样外，在短短的11行里，有三种句型： V + O, Let + O + V, V + O1 +O2；读来轻易，不细究，表面上差不多，但底层类似对称而不平衡的原理。而 ‘the cage’ 在2,3 被分行, 因为1 的’open’; 在8便还原, 因为7,9 ‘give’, ‘back’. 如果我做一个形上的解读 ，并将‘the cage ’比喻成文法，这首诗就也看到“把文法打开，让鸟飞走，把自由还给文法。”Cage 作为‘扶住固定’的含义在机械或工程里本来也有这一个意义。文法作为一个扶稳语义的语言设置（a language device），也是一个cage, 这个 cage(形上的结构）可以保护住语言（鸟）而使所有的审美都在鸟笼里，或是解开自己，鸟自然也就飞了出来。

这一行行的，不同词性的，鸟笼的栏柱，被飞马的诗显示出来，而飞的地方，恰在‘ｉｍｐｅｒａｔｉｖｅ‘ 的地方（不算解构，算是展示），其余的，由读者去思考了。比方，我现在也可以把鸟笼想象成我的骨架，那么什么是我的鸟？又或如某些信仰的，死亡时别回头留恋驱壳，看见光亮就朝着飞去，你也把躯体累了一世了，还它自由吧。这诗我要把它看成‘非马禅’了。难得的是，这诗如此‘容易’。这首英文诗是有文法喻象（figure of grammar ）的。这首诗摆在诗集的第一首，似乎也提示着，即向读者做了个宣告：自由，在鸟也在笼。

<3.2.3> 鸟笼

1. 打 开

2. 鸟 笼 的

3. 门

4. 让 鸟 飞


5. 走


6. 把 自 由

7. 还 给

8. 鸟

9. 笼

以我的观点，英文版<3.2.2>的要比中文版<3.2.3> 的好。在平行对照之下，两种语言的在某些诗文法上的不同立判，也就是中文在这方面是较少变化的。非马译诗经验丰富，曾有翻译是诗的试金石语， 前文也曾提到“林亨泰：。。。靠字写出是真的诗，还是假的诗？翻译的时候即能分辨出来。翻译的过程上 美丽的修辞会被丢掉、遗落。。。”我先来看翻译这件事（我不知道是先有中文版还是英文版），所以要比较；1-5的行对应的都很尽意也有文法趣味，5 的“走”和英文的‘away' 互译，是件有趣的事，（在这里，互译不是指语义上的翻译，是互相对比阐译，上置意于对方），away 是副词，‘走’没有副词的词性，但是‘飞走‘与’fly away’ 竟然相同的如此自然。（这也让人回顾中文的语法活力问题，那“动也不动一动‘的动字词性，那“上去下来船不定,自飞自语燕争忙”里的来去二字词性。）8，9行的’鸟‘，’笼‘分占两行，也有意思（与2，3行对照，这部分就不赘言了），得到自由的是鸟与笼。

将两种语言别的形式与内容并列，这首诗产生了另一种诗意，那是 介于/跨 语言，介于/跨 诗的。必须要说明的是，这里以此诗例来作对比的阅读，是一个帮助理解底层结构（诗式）的方法。非马的诗是自由的，不是制式的，在哪里分行，随诗的需要，不僵化于字数，行数的对等。这在 http://home.comcast.net/~wmarr9/pautumngb.htm 的中英诗选里可见一斑（倒装句的分行与语法习惯有关，不过近来，中文现代诗也常采用倒装，倒转语法了）。在 http://home.comcast.net/~wmarr9/translationgb.htm 也可看到非马对其他诗人的翻译作品。

<3.3> 双语诗之我见兼Linguistic Typology

形式与内容的穿越语言(中英文)是值得关注与研究的，这是审美的超越。中英文作为地球上最大的两个语种，概观上，文法的相似性多, 字词的顺序可以接近 ，字的形成却区别很大，因为造字原则的本质不同。国际上现有越来越多的人注意到“Linguistic Typology”。我觉得作为双语诗人，双语诗亦可顺应另开辟新路，不再以一语翻译另一语的诗翻译途径（诗翻译仍然存在，有些诗仍将无法翻译，这部分照旧），而是诗人将两种语言放在一个联集的词库里，以平行对应反差甚至逆向来作一诗两写，在诗里，两种语言文字的对译会产生新的语义与诗意。虽然对读者的要求要高一些，但未来，有哪一个人不是双语？Linguistic Typology 里也谈人类语言的可能性，相同的，依平行理论来使用，双语诗已有很大的空间，那还是个处女地（为什么不叫处男地？）。非马先生的一些双语诗，或许因为翻译累积的经验，诗式分行的研究，让我看到 我设想的可能性 的一些具体例子。有志于双语诗的人，不妨也考虑一下。初论是稿。

浅见如此，欢迎读者及非马先生指点。
_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

[非马]

语言文字的背后,往往带着文化的庞大影子.这就使得译诗成为艰难却愉快的经验.写双语诗更是如此,两种语言文字之间的相互碰撞,排斥,融合,所带来的诗意的激荡,是一种非常有趣的现象.

能写到象普希金这首诗那样,不借比喻或意象的帮助,只凭直白的陈述,便直达人心,是诗的极致.之所以能达到这个境界,我想主要是由于诗人的广阔胸怀.认识到真正的爱,是无私的,不必据为己有的.另一个人对你的爱,所有人对你的爱,甚至宇宙万物对你的爱,都带有我对你的爱在内.这样的爱是永远不会消亡的.
_________________
欢迎访问<非马艺术世界>
http://feima.yidian.org/bmz.htm

[博弈]

Here is Alex's on the poem below, I also find it interesting

At the Clockshop

Oblivious of time
the clocks on the wall
just keep ticking
and busily going
their own
ways

--(He wrote on a piece of paper, I asked Albert to type it up for me, Albert said he did not understand what he was talking about. Alex says, reading poetry is a very private thing, to share is to disclose your mind.)

How can clocks be oblivious of time? Is it not the purpose of the clock to keep track of time? The clocks in the clock shop tick on their own manners, their own times, and in their own ways. The first statement has me confused. Why are the clocks on the wall oblivious of time? It’s a paradox perhaps they’re oblivious to time yet they know exactly what time it is. The poem also implies the clocks do not tick in uniformity- what we have here are locks on the wall each set at a different time and ticking in another time. Could this be why they are oblivious? Because they are different in time from each other that they undefined not what the true time is? Yet they are going their own way, they cannot stop to synchronize, and even if they could they could not- time waits for no one. What I think in the heart of the matter here is: at the clock shop there’s no uniforming might. The clocks are on the wall simply ticking and going their own ways, because the value of time has not yet been underused, in essence their ticking is an arbitrary effort in the shop, because no one cares about what time it is at a clock shop, yet they tick instead of stop. Why do they tick? No one cares what time is displayed by an unadjusted clock-what could be the purpose for which they tick? Here is my guess: they are oblivious of time and will tick believing their time is correct and they are, indeed going their own ways. Could the clock shop be a metaphor for human arrogance?
_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

[非马]

It indeed is a very interesting observation. As a matter of fact, there are several versions of the poem, including the following two suggested by readers:

what time now
still ticking
every which
way


don't they know what time it is now
why each still going
its own
way


but none of the translations (including my own) seems to capture the spirit of my original poem:

<钟表店>

什么时候了
还各
走
各

see if you or Alex or Albert can come up with something better. Thank you all.
_________________
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[非马]

这个论坛好象无法修改(编辑)留言.
seem to capture --seems to capture
_________________
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[博弈]

my shot


what’s the hectic?
each ticking
each
ticking
act

什么时候了
还各
走
各
_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

[Lake]

[博弈]

[非马]

"what the heck" might express one of the possible meanings, but it does not involve "time"

BTW, is the word "act" at the end of the poem a verb or a noun?
_________________
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[博弈]

Though a shot, I meant (in a short form) the complete would be

What's the hectic? Each (is) ticking each ticking act.

act is a noun, the 1st ticking is a verb the 2nd ticking is an adj.


also, taken from a dictionary;

hec·tic
adj.
1. Characterized by intense activity, confusion, or haste:
_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

[hepingdao]

[非马]

谢谢和平岛. 我想编辑自己帖子的权限还是有其必要的. 现在可以编辑了.
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[非马]

非常感谢博弈,花了那么多时间精力来剖析我的诗.也谢谢诸位朋友们包括 ALEX 和ALBERT 的参与讨论.
_________________
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