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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-29 18:49:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

迪拜 wrote:
姐姐:

按照我的想法,

把前面2段,全部去掉

只留下最后1段

最好。

DD, 是吗? 这我倒没想到.谈谈你的想法, WHY?
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迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-29 19:11:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

第一,第二段,

是写景

但是,与第三段离的远,“隔”了。

《境》是“小品文”

单用第3段

足以表达“心中互相的情境”

“小意境”并非就不美丽

是我个人理解。
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-29 19:59:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

迪拜 wrote:
第一,第二段,

是写景

但是,与第三段离的远,“隔”了。

《境》是“小品文”

单用第3段

足以表达“心中互相的情境”

“小意境”并非就不美丽

是我个人理解。


DD, 我以为诗歌往往是喻情于景的, 这是我回冲浪的帖, 不知意思是否表达清楚了.
白水 Moonlight wrote:
杯中冲浪 wrote:
Very Happy Very Happy 中间一节很美,但我不太懂,很喜欢最后一节,经典。


桑园踏破 桃红
熄了 深秋的柳烟
心归竹苑
你是说这段?
桑园是蚕之所在地
桃红喻火, 也喻喧嚣的尘世.

当诗歌爱好者进入诗坛, 尘世的喧嚣自然静了, 如熄灭的火. 在深秋的柳烟里, 带着一颗宁静的心, 入竹林深处,,,,,,

正是有了前两段的心理渐变的过程, 才有了末段的期望. 在竹林深处寻一片净土.......
和这首虽不尽同, 但在这浮躁, 嘈杂的世界淡泊功利, 求静之境却有相似之处.

<倦荷>

倦依莲座皈释迦, 清水泥流逝韶华
断茎浮萍心若死, 红尘参破匿天涯
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迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-29 21:29:06    Post subject: Reply with quote

姐姐:

也许,你是想做一个“引导”

但是,真正懂诗的人,不需要引导

所以,才有的时候说“过了”

恰如,顾城《一代人》---干干净净。


而《境》,最美的就是“那相互凝望的一瞬间”

那里,还需要引导,

我多嘴了。
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-29 21:36:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

迪拜 wrote:
姐姐:

也许,你是想做一个“引导”

但是,真正懂诗的人,不需要引导

所以,才有的时候说“过了”

恰如,顾城《一代人》---干干净净。


而《境》,最美的就是“那相互凝望的一瞬间”

那里,还需要引导,

我多嘴了。


不是导向. DD, 我写诗歌可能和别人很不同, 别人能创作, 而我写诗歌常常是有感而发. 虽然这"感"通常不是为自己. 我会斟酌你的意见. 很高兴这种友好的文学探讨, 这是网站所需要的好的风气.再次感谢你.
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