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（独领风骚）音韵

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博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2008-02-09 23:07:38 Post subject:

加了，今声平仄数相等，接声转韵，试试。 _________________ （在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-02-10 02:50:07 Post subject:

博弈 wrote:

加了，今声平仄数相等，接声转韵，试试。

谢谢博弈！这个贴子的尝试算是失败了，形式上我考虑的不够周全。
我们往下加贴就好，回到传统的模式容易些。

您处理的转韵是古诗的格式，这点没问题。新诗押韵，多半一韵到底，
所以会像歌词，不容易把作品拉长，写的太长感觉就不太好、受限制。
所以想探讨新诗转声韵的作法，我把原先的作品延长作例子：

夏夜的晚风清凉
还没生气的海浪
有气无力的风吹
可惜没有飘过阵阵花香
花香阵阵让风吹
树叶摇晃作颓废
因为海浪声澎湃
花香不知往哪儿堆

以上的作法与您的相类似，只是我沿用前一段（吹）韵，做下一段的转韵。

再来：

夏夜的晚风清凉
还没生气的海浪
有气无力的风吹
可惜没有飘过阵阵花香
飘过、飘过、飘
所有的风，因为一个梦
许多的梦，最后都成空

这是另一种转韵的作法，有兴趣的朋友可以再换一种作法试试！
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

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