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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

诉衷情-圣诞夜（双调四十五字，桃花水）

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白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2010-12-27 09:37:21 Post subject: 诉衷情-圣诞夜（双调四十五字，桃花水）

诉衷情-圣诞夜（双调四十五字，桃花水）北风飘雪又寒冬，故里愈朦胧，撩拨炭火余热，茶半盏，向长空。诗淡淡，墨浓浓，意重重。几分嗔怨，数曲欢歌，尽在杯中。 ⊙○⊙●●○△，⊙●●○△ ⊙○⊙●○●，⊙●●、●○△ ○●●，●○△，●○△ ●○○●，●●○○，⊙●○△ ○用平声字　●用仄声字 ⊙应平可仄　◎应仄可平 △用平声韵　▲用仄声韵

白云闲人
探花

Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection

Posted: 2010-12-27 10:33:56 Post subject:

白水好一曲《诉衷情》！浓浓的香墨，淡淡的情怀。诗风婉雅，手法娴熟。利用茶盏杯中，散发出既有几分的嗔怨，又含数缕之欢歌，似漫天风雪的扑朔朦胧！景幽味深長！白水有一美中不足：该詞押的是〝风、胧、浓、衷、中〞的東冬韵，而〝朋〞字是庚青蒸韵，不同韵部。可再斟酌！ _________________ 诗中岁月, 笛里关山.

黄洋界
探花

Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection

Posted: 2010-12-27 11:32:36 Post subject:

圣诞夜，“詩淡淡，墨浓浓，诉情衷”，白水情怀，“尽在杯中”。 _________________ ++++++++++++++ 喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2010-12-27 14:07:38 Post subject:

诗淡墨浓，几番情愫在杯中。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2010-12-27 14:51:47 Post subject:

白云闲人 wrote:

白水好一曲《诉衷情》！浓浓的香墨，淡淡的情怀。诗风婉雅，手法娴熟。利用茶盏杯中，散发出既有几分的嗔怨，又含数缕之欢歌，似漫天风雪的扑朔朦胧！景幽味深長！
...

谢谢老师，我写诗歌总是信马由缰，提笔就来，写完不看。你一提醒才发现有误，索性多调了几个字 Razz

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2010-12-27 14:54:47 Post subject:

黄洋界 wrote:

圣诞夜，“詩淡淡，墨浓浓，诉情衷”，白水情怀，“尽在杯中”。

问好老师，昨天我还提醒秋叶，同诗不宜同音字，自己却犯忌，刚才改了改。谢谢。 Embarassed

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2010-12-27 14:57:48 Post subject:

qinghongh wrote:

诗淡墨浓，几番情愫在杯中。

问好qinghongh, 我把词牌贴出来。试图把你们从唐诗里面钓出来 Very Happy

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2010-12-27 17:28:57 Post subject:

问好白水兄！

胡恢宗
秀才

Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564

胡恢宗Collection

Posted: 2010-12-27 18:29:56 Post subject:

拜读佳作，如同收到了一份厚重的新年礼。祝您新年快乐。 _________________ 水曲云烟绕林深鸟竞飞

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2010-12-28 04:45:05 Post subject:

诵读白水大作，深情厚意跃然纸上。“数曲欢歌，尽在杯中。”豪情尽显！学习并问好！

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2010-12-28 15:41:23 Post subject:

莹雪 wrote:

问好白水兄！

MM新年好

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2010-12-28 15:42:34 Post subject:

胡恢宗 wrote:

拜读佳作，如同收到了一份厚重的新年礼。祝您新年快乐。

谢谢鼓励，问好新年。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2010-12-28 15:45:41 Post subject:

笑聊 wrote:

诵读白水大作，深情厚意跃然纸上。“数曲欢歌，尽在杯中。”豪情尽显！
...

笑聊好，应向你们学习才是。
不知你身体好些没？多保重。
新年快乐。

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2010-12-28 15:58:00 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

莹雪 wrote:

问好白水兄！

MM新年好

GG新年好！

王君明
秀才

Joined: 03 Apr 2007
Posts: 250
Location: 甘肃天水
王君明Collection

Posted: 2010-12-29 03:22:03 Post subject:

诗淡淡，墨浓浓，意重重。几分嗔怨，数曲欢歌，尽在杯中。下片更好，久违，问候！ _________________ 虚拟网络　真实生活

昕阳一片
秀才

Joined: 27 Mar 2010
Posts: 190

昕阳一片Collection

Posted: 2010-12-29 21:41:57 Post subject:

赏学佳作。问好！

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2010-12-29 23:22:38 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

笑聊 wrote:

诵读白水大作，深情厚意跃然纸上。“数曲欢歌，尽在杯中。”豪情尽显！
...

笑聊好，应向你们学习才是。
...

问好白水！回白水话：身体在康复中。谢谢白水，谢谢北美枫的师友们关怀！

连南河
秀才

Joined: 30 Aug 2008
Posts: 342
Location: Toronto
连南河Collection

Posted: 2010-12-31 04:31:15 Post subject:

"诗淡淡，墨浓浓，意重重。" 叠字巧妙! "数曲欢歌，尽在杯中。" 问好白水！新年快乐! _________________ 一路雨丝一路风

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2010-12-31 12:16:41 Post subject:

问好莹雪，王君明，昕阳一片，笑聊，连南河，谢谢你们的鼓励，新年快乐

冰清
同进士出身

Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection

Posted: 2010-12-31 15:50:36 Post subject:

诗淡淡，墨浓浓，意重重。几分嗔怨，数曲欢歌，尽在杯中。简单几笔就勾勒出了人们鲜活的情感。何谓人生？五味杂陈也。高，实在是高！问好新年！

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