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书桌上的初夜
妮儿
童生


Joined: 29 Mar 2008
Posts: 1

妮儿Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-29 16:55:54    Post subject: 书桌上的初夜 Reply with quote

(练习学习贴) 有人帮忙替我改过了很多,几乎。。
我想还是贴上~~看看大家怎么说~~


大桌上有青苹果
光滑的皮
带着果香

曾是卷藏的乳色宣纸
仍轻颤着

伟岸山水, 墨迹淋漓
皴擦、点染着“深谷採蘭”的
雨後溪聲

鸡血石
落款处
殷泥色泽未干
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不要怕,不要怕
我们心中将开出一朵美丽圣洁的花
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hepingdao
Site Admin


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2008-03-29 17:23:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

很鲜活:
鸡血石
落款处
殷泥色泽未干

唯略有只闻其声
不见其人的感觉
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为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-29 19:24:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

这样子的跳跃,作者的思考逻辑有趣。
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可情可理,去捧就真
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点点儿
秀才


Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 413
Location: 眇小的地球
点点儿Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-30 08:38:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

大桌上有青苹果
光滑的皮
带着香

曾是卷藏的乳色宣纸
仍轻颤着

伟岸山水, 墨迹淋漓 无
皴擦、点染着“深谷採蘭”的
雨後溪聲

鸡血石
落款处
人妮儿色泽未干


Very Happy
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---其实你永远不懂我的心---
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红袖添乱
秀才


Joined: 09 Jan 2008
Posts: 778

红袖添乱Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-30 10:32:20    Post subject: Reply with quote

不要怕!不要怕,我们的心里本来就圣洁如花
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梦的一端是我脉脉的凝视,
而另一端是你清澈的眼睛。
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-30 12:52:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

泥只见尼,不见妮。 Smile
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(在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美)
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