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跳跃的诗情
非马
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PostPosted: 2008-12-27 20:02:28    Post subject: 跳跃的诗情 Reply with quote

跳跃的诗情
——读杯中冲浪的两首诗


我喜欢读杯中冲浪的诗,喜欢他诗中不时迸发的诗情,往往出人意料又那么合乎常情。我相信这是成为好诗人的一个重要质素。

下面这两首诗,是很好的例子。《最后的苹果》里,一颗孤单的苹果在枝头痴痴地等待一只采摘的手,好加入同伴们热闹的行列,去完成生的使命,但满园子雄壮而懒散的男人们,却视而不见。这就使得倚窗眺望的处女,因同情而终于同病相怜起来。从高悬的苹果到眺望的处女,镜头拉长了,诗境也随之辽阔了起来。用“小脸冰冷至苍白”来透露苹果与处女的心情,甚妙。“短髭”也用得相当精彩,为那些雄壮的男人们增添了不少魅力。如果要吹毛求疵的话,我想“高蹈”有孤芳自赏的味道,在这里似乎不够准确,或许可用“高悬”;“手掌”的“掌”及“众生们”的“们”在这里都显得有点多余。“众”字已标明是多数。

《秋蚂蚱》一诗用蚂蚱的生育来象征成熟丰收的秋天,相当妥贴。但此诗的诗眼在最后一节,那个和时间反向而行的跳跃着的儿童。从他一蹦一跳的脚下,整个大地似乎也跟着蹦跳了起来,洋溢着无限的生机。还有,如果跳跃的是一个饱经风霜的中年人,和时间反向而行便是回到快乐无忧的童年里去。但竟是一个儿童。那么和时间反向而行便是回到孕育他的母亲温暖的子宫,或富饶多产的大地了!

诗题“秋蚂蚱”也许可只用“蚂蚱”,没必要把“秋”意早早泄露。



《最后的苹果》

高蹈在枝梢的最后一颗熟苹果,等待
一只迟到的手掌
果园中走过无数短髭的男人
他们雄壮而懒散

面对着众生们疲软的欲望
眺望的处女
小脸冰冷至苍白



《秋蚂蚱》

一只肥硕的秋蚂蚱
以蹲踞的姿势
生育

整个秋天于是匍匐作床单的形状
干净并略带皱褶
秋日的神情异常暧昧

一个儿童跳跃着
走过河堤
他和时间反向而行
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hepingdao
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PostPosted: 2008-12-28 06:48:34    Post subject: Reply with quote

感谢非马先生的指点和提携!
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博弈
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PostPosted: 2008-12-29 17:51:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

這樣的詩與文是讀者的眼福.
謝謝詩人非馬先生.
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非马
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PostPosted: 2008-12-30 03:36:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

和平岛,博弈新年快乐! 创作丰硕!
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骨笛
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PostPosted: 2009-01-12 05:41:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

学习
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zmj166
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PostPosted: 2009-02-01 05:39:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

好诗! Smile
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