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没地儿搁,就放这儿吧:<坦白之诗>1[2]  Next
遛达的七七
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遛达的七七Collection
PostPosted: 2008-12-05 11:59:52    Post subject: 没地儿搁,就放这儿吧:<坦白之诗> Reply with quote

坦 白 之 诗

提到爱,
提到秘密的冲积地无人居住,
提到剩余的节令、酒局、焙蝉的药师、
空空沙田里的夜明珠。
提到出行或扫舍,嫁娶或安葬是可行的,
瞬间你又提到
坚果撬开冻土何等叫人惊讶

另一方面,知情的灰背鹄逃逸
也将被你提及。同时提到的还有
遍布整个冬天的彩虹、
冰面上滑倒的鸭嘴兽、
水草下的彩瓷、河蚌中的玉人

这交谈显然拖延漫无边际
行刑官嗑睡、胡涂,
我苦于要比你醉得更老练
哑得更无辜,忆起更多零星景致
和城外的往事。
从而更颓废,更轻浮,更克制不住,
颤抖、娇贵、易死
忽嘻忽怒,季风吹透我锁骨

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hepingdao
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PostPosted: 2008-12-05 12:07:45    Post subject: Reply with quote

坚果翻开冻土何等叫人惊讶

忽嘻忽怒,季风吹透我锁骨

问77新年好
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韩少君
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PostPosted: 2008-12-05 14:37:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

不得要领。顾左右而言他。我亦如此。问好!
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遛达的七七
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PostPosted: 2008-12-05 18:32:22    Post subject: 呵呵 Reply with quote

两位好 :)
久未来,拜个!!
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博弈
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PostPosted: 2008-12-05 18:59:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

逝水在牢裡求愛, 就答應了他吧. 瞎讀.Smile

"坚果翻开冻土 何等叫人惊讶"
聽出中文仄平仄聲音的力量.
坚,翻, 冻, 叫.讶 都具形象.

問好.
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白水
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PostPosted: 2008-12-05 19:36:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

you shen, hui lai le? wen hao Wink
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nobody
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PostPosted: 2008-12-05 19:56:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

颤抖、娇贵、易死
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遛达的七七
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PostPosted: 2008-12-05 20:19:08    Post subject: 是啊,跑回来玩儿么!快过年了,来问个好儿~ Reply with quote

白水都进化到拼音的程度啦!一晃眼咱都更靠近English们乐
问好白美眉!

Nobody最近好么?很久没消息了,请个安^^
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莞君
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PostPosted: 2008-12-05 20:25:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好 语言是坦白 很好的 但要收的住就是好诗 握
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莞君
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nobody
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PostPosted: 2008-12-05 20:32:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

刚才去你那里留言,可是总说验证码错误,明明是对的吗。。。
大意是说为你高兴,下次回去去你那里视察下,哈。
这样吧,好久没话了,我马上电一下,让你猜猜我是谁
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遛达的七七
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PostPosted: 2008-12-05 20:43:21    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢过博弈和莞君

博弈啊博弈,那我就答应啦?哈!……开头写这个,还没有这么明显的叙事性
依七七的性格,不给点颜色就不肯灿烂,所以第二天就篡改了自己,
虽然还是不明确:决不命名的人物,时间和具体地点也似是而非,连景色相对可疑
但我肯定给出了线索。
博弈的故事,很接近了。。。喜欢你
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司马策风
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PostPosted: 2008-12-05 22:29:20    Post subject: Reply with quote

跳跃,流动的的思绪,总有咀嚼的味道。
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半溪明月
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PostPosted: 2008-12-06 02:49:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

似乎没看懂,隐藏的太深了~七七好!久未见了!
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遛达的七七
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PostPosted: 2008-12-08 23:02:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

其实也不是藏得太深,我已经告诉了一个人

问明月好 :)

去你博里晃了晃,满眼专业术语,吓绿了 ◎_◎
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白水
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PostPosted: 2008-12-09 15:00:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

七小姐 wrote:
其实也不是藏得太深,我已经告诉了一个人
...


可否也悄悄告诉我 Wink
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遛达的七七
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PostPosted: 2008-12-10 17:44:20    Post subject: Reply with quote

那人不让 :-)
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nobody
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PostPosted: 2008-12-12 12:53:08    Post subject: Reply with quote

这坦白,跟啊扁有一拼。从严 Very Happy
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遛达的七七
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PostPosted: 2008-12-24 13:11:08    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nobody 请进 Smile

一直因为中文输入的问题,没有尽言。现在来稍微说一点。
这首短诗中隐含了一些故事,主要可能是一次行刑前的对话场景。至于为何有生命之险,
为何角色A 和角色B之间的对话如此空旷和无忌,原诗是有的(原诗相对长很多),
但基于七七个人的阅读经验,仅能忍受大约2分钟的诗歌长度,所以做了删节。删节没什么不好。诗歌不是新闻报道,也无需跟从民间故事会的叙述要求,把细节过程一五一十交代个够——那也忒小瞧、埋呔诗歌的作者……和读者了吧,哈。

诗歌之于纪实小说、通讯的本质区别,在于它的纯审美性。完全的个人表达。
《坦白之诗》的写作,来自于暗涩的情绪和饱满的力量。

为什么我会谈到力量呢?因为在七七个人的写作经验中,几乎最重大的事件就是
如何分配单字、词组、短句和句群所能承载的力量,而不是精挑细选、挣扎于纷繁芜杂的词藻间。当然,拥有更多可选择的词语和句式是件好事,但那属于少年时代的收集和练习,现在呢,我们选择了诗歌,有了组合和旋转语言的机会,就可以更自由地去思考、去实现分配汉语言中的力量。
有的很轻,整首都很轻,过两年自己还能飘摇在那种轻力量的气氛中,一样地畅徉;
有的很重,重读时会再次被自己当年的句子击倒,久久不能起身。

我想过自己为什么写作,应该说自己从少年时代所受力的汉语言中,是可以逐渐拥有其中力量 ,并无限生发下去
是的,我可以随时终结自己的任何一首诗歌,但是我永远不想终结那种使我生存、呼吸、更高更痛地飞翔、更光荣更响彻云霄地去死亡的力量。我不会结束有生之年对于力量的适应和占有,从而也会更从容地向诗歌中的一类,我这一类(嘿嘿),自由地分配由我生发的新的力量。

在《坦白之诗》里,我(角色B)坦白事件了吗?没有。但我坦白了深处的欲望——恰恰与角色A潺潺流水般的、所涉及的现实和虚无通通大相径庭充满破坏力量的欲望;我与角色B有过任何实质性“交谈”吗?也没有。因为我正“苦于比你醉得更老练,哑得更无辜”;那么行刑官参与这场拖延、漫无边际的交谈吗?当然更没有了,因为他“瞌睡、胡涂”……
角色B独自提到这、提到那,甚至提到了“知情的灰背鹄”——这几乎使人不能再听角色B似是而非地提下去,而要起身追问知情者,究竟发生什么事?角色A被内心的谗妄折磨得缄口无言,行刑官不会告诉你发生了什么,连唯一可能泄露口风的灰背鹄,连它也被简单地、一代而过地“逃逸”而去。一切又被无形的力量沉重魇住……

那么谁跟谁在交谈?没有人。
力量呢?我所能感到的力量无处不在,它迫使我在终结这首短诗的时候,交出一千种以上,迫在眉睫的行动。
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nobody
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PostPosted: 2008-12-24 14:23:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

感谢七七开释。诗文并读,受益良多。
你跟语言,私情昭然。

听说温哥华近日大雪不止,白色圣诞快乐!
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博弈
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PostPosted: 2008-12-24 16:54:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

有地方搁的, 放心地去吧. Laughing

有沒有獨立於語言之外的意義?
哲學命題上有真假與無意義的陳述等
對寫詩的人來講,語言可是那只灰背鹄
也可以是牢籠. 或許沒有真正私我的語言
但是意念有自我了解本身的能力.

初讀時我看到的是死前交代(一二段), 過去寫詩的那個七七;
轉接以后設的"这交谈显然拖延漫无边际"--由說話的七七;
而'我', 是一個現在寫詩的七七.
行刑官不妨也就是讀者, "嗑睡、胡涂."

在我讀來, 可有著交談呢, 包括那些名詞.
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