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钗头凤----2008中国》
柿子
秀才


Joined: 25 Sep 2007
Posts: 137
Location: 中国河南商丘职业技术学院大一
柿子Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-02 20:29:50    Post subject: 钗头凤----2008中国》 Reply with quote

雪灾寒,西藏乱。汶川地震大灾难。苍天恶,亲情薄。横毁离合,人心难过。莫!莫!莫! 冬风破,春红落。奥运圣火神州着。神七宝,国魂托。金秋起歌,飞腾中国。活!活!活!
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心到、意到。
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晓松
举人


Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-06 18:08:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

柿子的这首词,写得有血有肉,传情达意,写作又向前跨进一大步,可喜可贺!
“亲情薄”一句似有待斟酌~
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野航
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Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 547
Location: toronto
野航Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-07 16:14:49    Post subject: Reply with quote

不错!
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回归自然 回归心灵 回归传统
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2008-10-08 07:27:54    Post subject: Reply with quote

大有进步。
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柿子
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Joined: 25 Sep 2007
Posts: 137
Location: 中国河南商丘职业技术学院大一
柿子Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-08 20:44:02    Post subject: Reply with quote

Embarassed 呵呵,谢谢朋友点评。朋友还记得我,我真的是很欣慰的哦!只是,高三了 。忙着高考,不太敢来网吧太频繁了。所以发贴也就少了许多 啊 。呵呵,等俺毕业了,我一定天天来的。一定天天和大家交流交流的。到时候,大家可不要不理我哦!呵呵!
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