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永遇乐... 和青草地
他乡客
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Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 487
Location: 加拿大.渥汰华 (Ottawa, Canada)
他乡客Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-05 07:25:04    Post subject: 永遇乐... 和青草地 Reply with quote

近日网友青草地赠词<永遇乐 致他乡客>。甚是惊喜。和词一首,以表谢意。实话说,我懂得的词牌都是小时候背毛主席诗词打的底。主席喜欢的,咱也跟着念。他老人家没光顾过的,咱也就无从听说了。象什么<满江红>,<蝶恋花>,还记得。永遇乐,没听说过。只好借岛主的诗海,边学边添。我是临来抱佛脚,现囤现卖。有几处出律之处,是我学艺不精,仍有待推敲。现贴出来与大家分享。见笑了。

永遇乐 和青草地

一波三折,
赤橙黄绿,*
五光十色。
笑口常开,
雅词偶赠,
数我心胸阔。
玉杯量海,
金樽沽月,
对饮太白离座。
放歌喉,卡拉OK,
绕梁三日不弱。

著书立传,
舞文泼墨,
才女文姬避舍。
面似桃花,
身姿清影,
飞燕拳上落。
日夕相夫,
日出教女,
撰写专栏周末。*
指尖舞,为人作嫁,
美心闪烁。**

* 青草地是渥太华当地加华侨报文化专栏作家。本期专栏连载她的言情小说《逍遥夜》。内以赤,橙,黄,绿,四位都市丽人为线索,把在渥太华小资们鲜为人知的夜生活展示得淋漓尽致。
*青草地也是有专业执照的美容师。

青草地原玉

他乡客之多才有目共睹,多种运动炉火纯青,诸如网球、足球,达教练级别,有换钱糊口之境界。(因喜运动所累伤病暂且搁下不提,曾因网球肩影响握手问安,吓呆偶也)

他乡所写《他乡红叶》笔调平实稳重,新移民生活之苦辣酸甜皆从生活中来、到文字中去,更有长篇连续剧之大势,不能不赞!

永遇乐 致他乡客

片片红叶,
今朝落入、
薄纸幽径。
游子吟吟,
酸甜苦辣、
都是他乡景。
艳阳骤雨,
高山平地,
脚下路多泥泞。
有当年、少儿远志,
造就了一身硬。

殷殷学子,
才识兼备,
几载枫林独影。
赛场身姿,
马嘶龙啸,
教练闲来领。
一身武艺,
粗俚雅趣,
几许聪明刚劲。
浑身力、青春不老,
晓风月景。
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野航
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Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 547
Location: toronto
野航Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-05 16:17:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

玉杯量海,
金樽沽月,

真是少见豪俊句!
投桃报瓜,两首均佳。
_________________
回归自然 回归心灵 回归传统
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晓松
举人


Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-05 16:17:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

除此之外,他乡兄的诗,还能发现亮点:“绕梁三日不弱”,欣赏!
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他乡客
秀才


Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 487
Location: 加拿大.渥汰华 (Ottawa, Canada)
他乡客Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-05 17:50:33    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢野航,晓松兄点评。说实话,和这首永遇乐我是心力憔悴。特别是岛主的词谱和另外一个网站上所谓的白香词谱有几处平仄不符。使我失去了方向。而青草地还一再激将叫阵。最后我想管它什么平仄,只求能表达词的意境就好。我才体会到添词可是件费功夫的事。
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-05 18:00:09    Post subject: Reply with quote

拜读大作. 代问青草地好
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他乡客
秀才


Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 487
Location: 加拿大.渥汰华 (Ottawa, Canada)
他乡客Collection
PostPosted: 2008-10-06 14:59:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

问候一定代到。谢谢你白水。
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