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当我坐上韩山的南坡(二首)
中明
童生


Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 9

中明Collection
PostPosted: 2007-02-11 02:20:25    Post subject: 当我坐上韩山的南坡(二首) Reply with quote

当我坐上韩山的南坡

韩山也许算不上明光的最高点
但我常常喜欢坐在上面
看着京沪线上的列车
呼的一声龙啸而来 并在这里
稍稍地喘息之后
又大摇大摆地走远

当我坐上韩山的南坡 也就是向阳的一面
我或许因此就有了一个温暖的冬天
我一遍遍想象着在我注目的地方
那片云彩下边就有你升起的炊烟

我总是这样不停地想你
不是一天也不是两天而是月月年年
我总是这样在台历的琴键上
日复一日地弹奏着对你的思念

自然 有时候 我也心生埋怨
坐下的韩山为什么不能是一艘航行的军舰
要是那样的话 我就可以安稳不动地
坐在上面 并且一路无敌地
抵达我梦中的海域——
那一片啊——风波不息的热点


春天又从远方归来

在这一首诗中
冬天将合上了它
最后的双眼
因为它不愿看见
我的春天她又从远方归来

我像春风攀上枝头
将一朵花热情地迎迓
我像大地为春天的到来
而再次敞开自己的情怀

抛掉一切的不快
我兴奋得就像冰消雪化
我向天空飞吻致意
因为我已看见了我的春天
她就踩着太阳而来

多么明媚又多么风采
二月正和我的春天联袂而来
我幸福地看到
这个二月带着我的爱
正在一步一步地
把她融进我的世界
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三色堇
秀才


Joined: 25 Nov 2006
Posts: 148
Location: 西安
三色堇Collection
PostPosted: 2007-02-11 03:32:14    Post subject: Reply with quote

韵律感很强的诗歌,但如此也削减了其内涵的分量.
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沙漠
秀才


Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection
PostPosted: 2007-02-11 04:59:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

明朗的抒情,好读!个人感觉一些地方可以压一压。问好!
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个人博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1056295180
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和平岛
举人


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection
PostPosted: 2007-02-11 20:48:16    Post subject: Reply with quote

今晚读了好多非常优秀的抒情诗歌

中明的这种抒情,不紧不迫,读起来也是兴趣盎然的

欢迎中明多来交流
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写诗是为了写更好的诗
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