Maple Review :: View topic - 《在碑林》

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

《在碑林》

三色堇
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Joined: 25 Nov 2006
Posts: 148
Location: 西安
三色堇Collection

Posted: 2007-02-07 04:49:16 Post subject: 《在碑林》

《在碑林》留恋于微醉的小街那些长笛会不会将自己拆开春在隔壁不要轻易去触摸来自唐朝的音节它必须是绵延的必须从冬天爬到夏天像一些微暗的咏叹浮在夜间尽管略带一点点苦味这就够了小月残照，我得淌过去生命像泥土一样持续在轻轻拍打的快乐中我的手指没有足够的长度远方的潮汐跌宕而起满掌的音符，逝于风的摆布《埃贝尔的礼》现在,我不会再左顾右盼不会在巷口,等待新鲜的腔调我知道,寒露伤身这并不影响重复任何声音我依然喜欢温暖的词不断回到她裸露的状态我随意写下的生命及那棵冷杉树的呼吸终将成为埃贝尔的礼《它们像风一样潜行》当你测试入口处的温度你会发现，它们放纵的极端，滑过白昼的碎片它们弄乱了你的池塘你的纸张，你的半露着的牙齿你肌肠辘辘的睡眠它们像风一样潜行无法保持事物的完整用一枚巨大的叶片将生活里的誓言剥落干净

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-02-07 07:21:36 Post subject:

问三色堇新年好! 这几首诗歌, 质感非常好很喜欢《在碑林》:音乐的流动非常好, 记得读过一首写小镇铜管乐的诗歌, 也有相识的效果小月残照，我得淌过去生命像泥土一样持续在轻轻拍打的快乐中我的手指没有足够的长度比如《埃贝尔的礼》, 总体很好,相反, 最后一句给我的感觉很不好: 终将成为埃贝尔的礼: 等于什么都没说《它们像风一样潜行》,很漂亮: 放纵的极端，滑过白昼的碎片它们弄乱了你的池塘你的纸张，你的半露着的牙齿你肌肠辘辘的睡眠 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-02-07 07:48:16 Post subject:

欢迎三色堇： http://oson.ca/viewtopic.php?p=8846#8846 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-02-07 08:30:38 Post subject:

喜欢这来自唐朝的音节问好老乡

三色堇
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Joined: 25 Nov 2006
Posts: 148
Location: 西安
三色堇Collection

Posted: 2007-02-07 21:22:50 Post subject: 问好hepingdao

感谢你认真批读,一直喜欢这里友好的交流氛围,远握.

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-02-07 22:11:56 Post subject: Re: 问好hepingdao

三色堇 wrote:

感谢你认真批读,一直喜欢这里友好的交流氛围,远握.

应该建议加精的

司马策风
举人

Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 1211
Location: 温哥华
司马策风Collection

Posted: 2007-02-09 00:59:17 Post subject:

喜欢欣赏《在碑林》。语言优美灵动，富有诗意，有韵律的流淌。问好 _________________ 《北美枫》司马策风文集 http://www.maplereview.org/best.php?t=8676

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2007-02-09 11:24:18 Post subject:

好是好，但是。。。有人写得更好 --- 见 “几首小诗与大家交流”。 http://oson.ca/viewtopic.php?p=4501&highlight=#4501 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2007-02-10 06:16:06 Post subject:

春在隔壁 ——很好。欢迎加入团队。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

三色堇
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Joined: 25 Nov 2006
Posts: 148
Location: 西安
三色堇Collection

Posted: 2007-02-11 03:48:35 Post subject:

nobody wrote:

好是好，但是。。。

有人写得更好 --- 见 “几首小诗与大家交流”。

http://oson.ca/viewtopic.php?p=4501&highlight=#4501

____________________
感谢这位有心的朋友呢 Smile

刘雨萍
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Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
刘雨萍Collection

Posted: 2007-02-11 12:03:27 Post subject:

《在碑林》留恋于微醉的小街那些长笛会不会将自己拆开春在隔壁不要轻易去触摸来自唐朝的音节它必须是绵延的必须从冬天爬到夏天像一些微暗的咏叹浮在夜间尽管略带一点点苦味这就够了小月残照，我得淌过去生命像泥土一样持续在轻轻拍打的快乐中我的手指没有足够的长度远方的潮汐跌宕而起满掌的音符，逝于风的摆布很喜欢这首来自唐朝的音节. 读起来有诵宋词的味道. 问好. _________________ 隔海抒情

刘雨萍
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
刘雨萍Collection

Posted: 2007-02-11 12:03:58 Post subject:

《在碑林》留恋于微醉的小街那些长笛会不会将自己拆开春在隔壁不要轻易去触摸来自唐朝的音节它必须是绵延的必须从冬天爬到夏天像一些微暗的咏叹浮在夜间尽管略带一点点苦味这就够了小月残照，我得淌过去生命像泥土一样持续在轻轻拍打的快乐中我的手指没有足够的长度远方的潮汐跌宕而起满掌的音符，逝于风的摆布很喜欢这首来自唐朝的音节. 读起来有诵宋词的味道. 问好. _________________ 隔海抒情

刘雨萍
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
刘雨萍Collection

Posted: 2007-02-11 12:04:53 Post subject:

很喜欢这组来自唐朝的音节,特别是<在碑林>. 读起来有诵宋词的味道. 问好. _________________ 隔海抒情

刘雨萍
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
刘雨萍Collection

Posted: 2007-02-11 12:07:24 Post subject:

操作错误,重发了几次.不好意思. _________________ 隔海抒情

君子爱莲
童生

Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Posts: 88
Location: 中国重庆
君子爱莲Collection

Posted: 2007-02-12 07:44:18 Post subject:

将我带回1996，带回1996的西安之旅，好诗！祝新年快乐！

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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