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臨界
博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2008-07-04 04:52:48    Post subject: 臨界 Reply with quote

臨界


陽光騙了晨的霧衣


悄悄滑入綠池

一隻金龜子正吃著生菜
守候一夜的露水在樹尖猶豫
漸漸蒸發,一種屬性果決的
力量正在醞釀、逼近,像
等待撥開甕蠟的蜜香屏息,而
林中夜遊最後
的一只夜鼠,踩著瞌睡
屑屑索索,不時絆倒於幾根朽木—

如果眨眼瞬間必失去那聽覺方向




是,

一陣雀起掀開白夜—

我聞到柴火,清香
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阿依琼裙
秀才


Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection
PostPosted: 2008-07-04 10:44:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

细腻的美~~
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踏过废墟,走来
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
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PostPosted: 2008-07-04 13:18:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

是纯写景,还是有其他寓意,请博弈兄解释一下?
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杯中冲浪.披履而行
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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

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PostPosted: 2008-07-04 16:05:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

估计还有深意~不过我也猜不出!
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司马策风
举人


Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 1211
Location: 温哥华
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PostPosted: 2008-07-04 17:25:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

田园诗,有禅意.小巧有味可品.令人喜欢.

司马问好博弈先生
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《北美枫》司马策风文集

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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
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PostPosted: 2008-07-04 20:59:49    Post subject: Reply with quote

杯中冲浪 wrote:
是纯写景,还是有其他寓意,请博弈兄解释一下?


在台湾待了一阵子,一来受到台湾时事政论影响及自己的观察,二正思考着一种新的诗(去意象去象征),有点着落但还没着笔,思考之中,写点意象象征来换换脑袋的,休息自与。这时看看,无意中反映近日心情吧。

诗友雪砚看到的是(以下转贴)

人生的暗示性,如果提升到一种戏剧性的价值反馈,诗的「表现力」是绝对够的。

〈临界〉一诗的表现方式,是以自然主义的观点,介入俗世的意志丶思维,以露水的无声丶蒸发,铺陈阳光的绝决与不义,『阳光骗了晨的雾衣』,博奕在这里似乎有意从自然主义的路径,折反俗世的价值针砭。〈临界〉的哲学性思维,则在诗的末尾,以『我闻到柴火,清香』,停伫在嗅觉与柴火丶清香的主观思绪与价值判断里。

大抵上,诗毕竟是诗,读诗与写诗的桥梁是文字。文字是艺术,文字的表达需要技巧。文字有符号意义,其功能指向与沟通媒介,则又牵涉了隐身作者的意识形态。我们曾经提到李维史陀的「能指剩馀」,这是神话学的东西,讲得是「心里补尝」的意思。很广泛,都跟写诗丶读诗有关。


白夜一词,曾在杨牧的诗里出现过一次。有《白夜》是陀思妥耶夫斯基的前期作品,有东野圭吾的《白夜行》大体都有探讨人性边缘的描绘。又李清照 《醉花阴》词:“薄雾浓云愁永昼,瑞脑销金兽。” 我大概是用来表达一种漫长等待的聊赖吧。这诗的词句选用上,扣住临界、边缘概念,(“一隻金龜子正吃著生菜”较不明显,但吃叶子也是自边缘起,吃也象征时间的消逝,缓慢而笃定),有几个句子故意断句不清,留一些给读者自断。有些人以政治的出发点来读,雾露是老百姓,金龟子是诗者,阳光是总统,‘雀’可以是醒来的力量,其他的物名,自己可以搭配;这算其中的一种解读。当然,纯抒发景致,描写一种接近临界的心情、语言也是可以的;临界之后,该是续以形态甚或质的改变吧?谢谢诸位点读。

下附一些旁读。

自然现象之白夜
由于地轴偏斜和地球自转、公转的关系,在高纬度地区,有时出现的黄昏还没有过去就呈现黎明的现象。
出现白夜的地区从纬度66°34′起,纬度越高白夜出现的时期越长,天空也越亮。

All Things Can Tempt Me 什麼事都教我分心
作者:W. B. Yeats╱翻譯:楊牧

All things can tempt me from this craft of verse:
One time it was a woman's face, or worse...
The seeming needs of my fool-driven land;
Now nothing but comes readier to the hand
Than this accustomed toil. When I was young,
I had not given a penny for a song
Did not the poet sing it with such airs
That one believed he has a sword upstairs;
Yet would be now, could I but have my wish,
Colder and dumber and deafer than a fish.

什麼事都教我分心不專於詩藝:
從前為伊人的容顏,等而下之
就以為白痴治下的國家需要我;
現在再也沒有什麼更需舉手之勞了
除了這嫻習的工作。年輕時
我從未認真注文聽完一首歌
除非吟唱者採取的曲調風格
力足以令人信他樓上有一把利劍;
而現在但願,若是能照我初衷,
比一尾魚更冷,更啞,更聾。
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溪语
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Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 509
Location: 中国恩施
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PostPosted: 2008-07-05 07:18:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

守候一夜的露水在樹尖猶豫
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遛达的七七
秀才


Joined: 07 Jun 2006
Posts: 329

遛达的七七Collection
PostPosted: 2008-07-16 20:36:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

这个不错,上回就看了,没想好怎么夸

总之,挺好

http://oson.ca/cpoetry/images/collection19.jpg
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