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五律 游子吟
qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2008-06-23 15:16:53    Post subject: 五律 游子吟 Reply with quote
五律 游子吟

故乡千万里，回望已依稀。
企盼慈母线，重缝游子衣。
天涯怀旧友，海外遇新知。
垂钓烟波处，遥观云起时。
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-24 05:44:17    Post subject: Reply with quote
"宿鸟恋旧林,池鱼思故渊".庆宏此诗意脉相通.

第三联似可在对仗上再作斟酌.
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喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰
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qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
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PostPosted: 2008-06-24 13:49:22    Post subject: Reply with quote
黄洋界 wrote:
"宿鸟恋旧林,池鱼思故渊".庆宏此诗意脉相通.
...

谢黄老师理解并指点。同是天涯客，常怀故乡情。
第三联改为“天涯怀旧友，海外遇新知。”，如何？
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-25 11:21:59    Post subject: Reply with quote
经您一改动,既工对,又切情.好!
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喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰
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游向高原的鱼
秀才


Joined: 20 May 2007
Posts: 382

游向高原的鱼Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-26 03:00:24    Post subject: Reply with quote
企盼慈母线，重缝游子衣。
天涯怀旧友，海外遇新知。
垂钓烟波处，遥观云起时。

这几句让人想到母子情、朋友情、想做官的心情。
你是不是这个意思啊？
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qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
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PostPosted: 2008-06-26 15:34:38    Post subject: Reply with quote
黄洋界 wrote:
经您一改动,既工对,又切情.好!

谢黄老师鼓励！问好！
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qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
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PostPosted: 2008-06-26 15:40:57    Post subject: Reply with quote
游向高原的鱼 wrote:
企盼慈母线，重缝游子衣。
...

谢鱼兄赏读。你理解的后一层意思有误。我诗最后两句来源于：
〈终南别业〉
唐 王维
行到水穷处，坐看云起时。
偶然值林叟，谈笑无还期。
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快乐王子
童生


Joined: 02 Jul 2008
Posts: 2

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PostPosted: 2008-07-02 23:15:14    Post subject: Reply with quote
却是好诗，
故乡千万里，回望已依稀。
企盼慈母线，重缝游子衣。
天涯怀旧友，海外遇新知。
垂钓烟波处，遥观云起时。
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qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

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PostPosted: 2008-07-04 15:36:41    Post subject: Reply with quote
快乐王子 wrote:
却是好诗，
...

谢谢赏读。欢迎新朋友！
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