Maple Review :: View topic - 女人与一个生命

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

女人与一个生命

刘雨萍
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Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
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Posted: 2007-01-30 09:14:38 Post subject: 女人与一个生命

女人与一个生命你开始在我幽暗深邃的体内寻找跑道我的体内是一个茂密的森林树与树之间开满各色的小花透过花与树木的宁静你感觉将要开始的跑道是一个扩大化的圆你在温暖的黑暗中犹豫是否停止在圆圈之外只与树木对话熟悉树的语言有一天你决定在我的森林里采集梨树的花瓣与生命的血调和在另一处我无法达到的天空画另外一个圆蘸满的花汁从你的手滴落下来流入我的手我虔诚地捧着犹如掬捧一束水中的阳光穿过我的手掌虚无的是那梨花的清香 _________________ 隔海抒情

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-01-30 10:01:20 Post subject:

温柔的, 清新的

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-01-30 17:48:08 Post subject:

采集梨树的花瓣一个大转折虚拟得很好 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

刘雨萍
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Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
刘雨萍Collection

Posted: 2007-01-31 09:45:10 Post subject:

hepingdao wrote:

采集梨树的花瓣

一个大转折

虚拟得很好

谢谢版主. 也谢谢白水的光临.
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半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-01-31 19:39:18 Post subject:

圆圈之内圆圈之外,有寓意~ 欣赏~

司马策风
举人

Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 1211
Location: 温哥华
司马策风Collection

Posted: 2007-01-31 23:01:27 Post subject:

很喜欢 “蘸满的花汁从你的手滴落下来流入我的手我虔诚地捧着犹如掬捧一束水中的阳光” 充满母性的光辉和诗意。个见：最后的“穿过我的手掌 /虚无的是那梨花的清香”感觉可删去。通篇似可再精练些。问好欢迎常来做客 _________________ 《北美枫》司马策风文集 http://www.maplereview.org/best.php?t=8676

刘雨萍
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Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
刘雨萍Collection

Posted: 2007-02-01 07:40:59 Post subject:

半溪明月 wrote:

圆圈之内圆圈之外,有寓意~
欣赏~

谢谢明月朋友阅读并平点. 多交流.
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刘雨萍
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Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
刘雨萍Collection

Posted: 2007-02-01 08:54:23 Post subject:

司马策风 wrote:

很喜欢
“蘸满的花汁
从你的手滴落下来
流入我的手
我虔诚地捧着
犹如掬捧一束
水中的阳光”

充满母性的光辉和诗意。

个见：最后的“穿过我的手掌 /虚无的是那梨花的清香”感觉可删去。通篇似可再精练些。

问好欢迎常来做客

谢谢你的提议.我仔细考虑了一下.还是决定保留最后那两句.因为这是一首纪念生命的诗.一个决定留在森林里的生命. 那梨花的香是缥缈虚无的.

问好.常交流.
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