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鹭恋
中海
童生


Joined: 07 Jan 2008
Posts: 49
Location: 中国张家港
中海Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-28 18:16:37    Post subject: 鹭恋 Reply with quote

云在我之上
我在水之畔
水在你中央
我们在案前
——题记

◎前言

你以一望无际的柔,作别
我的寒冷,作别思维的阻滞
抵达阔别已久的晨色,岸
朦胧到故乡的淡靛
我以鸟儿的名义,上下求索
那段故事,落在烟草里
扑朔迷离

◎春

你借忧郁的广阔,引诱我
内心的渺小,故事跋涉而来
我只是孤独的行者,爱在云之下
飘忽,我的声音留在一场浩大的风里
每一次动荡,都在你的春波里
接近求偶的鱼,恋爱
需要一对翅膀

◎夏

黎明,你擦亮勇气
一树梨花,满湖印象
淡淡风,简单词,声声唳
我的瘦身材,竟成了远方的瘾
倒影由浅入深,潜往
江南夏季,你内心的品质
如一支荷,开到我的选择
轰轰烈烈

◎秋

秋在来的路上,一片一片遗忘些什么
瘦菊开到尽头,你仍碧波荡漾
我知好雨,不知时节
一个会飞的古人,饮尽最后一滴红颜薄酒
你在落霞的沉重里,洗衣、默念
用棒槌敲打逝去的时光
我的扑棱,可否碰见你风口的鸣咽
向南悲怆

◎冬

我怀念这个时间,这个冬天
雪又厚了一层,思念长了一尺
梅骨坚硬,梅影孤单
你陷入顽固的冰,残岸断雪
一个酷似我的魂,隔一面气候的墙
梳羽、生病、遭遇冷嘲
一弯弦月,躲在老地方
勾勒残夜

◎结尾

过完年,在柔软之前
你耸起浑圆的肩膀
我回到镜前,风景完整
我是沉沦于你底部的诗画
翘首弄姿,注脚修长
是谁把酒望星空,落杯坐水船
古今工匠,把我们的恋情烧制成
一樽琉璃
_________________
真名:陈忠海,笔名:中海,网络名:东雪西雨。江苏张家港市人,中国诗歌学会会员。
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司马策风
举人


Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 1211
Location: 温哥华
司马策风Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-28 18:50:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

你以一望无际的柔,作别
我的寒冷,作别思维的阻滞
抵达阔别已久的晨色,岸
朦胧到故乡的淡靛
我以鸟儿的名义,上下求索
那段故事,落在烟草里
扑朔迷离

还是前言较好.有诗歌味.

通篇来看,大致上还有诗味.但语言和意想以及动词和名词间的搭配,有生硬拼凑之感.

个见.无怪

问好中海
_________________
《北美枫》司马策风文集

http://www.maplereview.org/best.php?t=8676
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