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《对面》
风度飘飘
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Joined: 28 May 2008
Posts: 100

风度飘飘Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-16 16:06:04    Post subject: 《对面》 Reply with quote
《对面》
　　
　　我看着他的时候，仿佛
　　在照镜子一样，那些枝干
　　和树叶，都在和我一起
　　摇晃
　　
　　唯一不同的是，我困倦了
　　他还清醒着，风
　　没有停
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hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2008-06-16 16:15:05    Post subject: Reply with quote
风
　　没有停

这结尾
似乎还不够新和生动
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风度飘飘
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Joined: 28 May 2008
Posts: 100

风度飘飘Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-16 18:06:52    Post subject: Reply with quote
恩，谢谢！
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张世明
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Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 78

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PostPosted: 2008-06-16 23:04:38    Post subject: Reply with quote
有味道/问好/
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鹿向亮
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Joined: 11 Mar 2008
Posts: 36
Location: 燕赵故里
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PostPosted: 2008-06-17 00:40:52    Post subject: Reply with quote
短诗应该更有力量
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杯中冲浪
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Joined: 29 Sep 2006
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PostPosted: 2008-06-17 01:20:04    Post subject: Reply with quote
欣赏
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风度飘飘
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Joined: 28 May 2008
Posts: 100

风度飘飘Collection
PostPosted: 2008-06-17 15:26:40    Post subject: Reply with quote
谢谢几位！
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