A Firefly(原创双语小诗)

[钓月]

The soul of a fairy twinkling
With eyes flickering and charming.
Palm it under the green vines thither.
And with love we look at each other .

萤火虫

闪闪仙子魂，
荧荧妩媚眼。
笼之绿藤下，
脉脉两相看。
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欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮

http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875
http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

[Lake]

中文小诗很可爱。

四行英文诗，其中有 四个 -ing , that bothers me. I know it's my problem. 前两行我想至少可以去掉一个 -ing. 最后一行

And look at each other loving

Doesn't sound right to my ear. Maybe 'look at each other with love' or 'look at each other lovingly'?

还有，后两句好像缺了个主语。

Just a thought.
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

[钓月]

It's been already revised. Thanks a lot. Now see whether it's a little better.
_________________
欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮

http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875
http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong