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钓月 秀才
Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 409 Location: 中国江苏 钓月Collection |
Posted: 2008-05-15 19:22:05 Post subject: Where’s My Mamma? (原创双语) |
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Where’s My Mamma? (原创双语)
——A girl’s yammering, who’s lost her mom in Wenchuan great earthquake
Where’s my mamma?
Where’s my mamma?
On the ruins after the earthquake,
A girl is looking for her mamma.
She asks the sky, but no response.
She asks the earth, but still no reply.
The usual docile land
Even fleers evilly.
The sky’s filled with black plaints.
The brickbats are everywhere.
In a nook of the ruins,
A dusty carnation’s wavering.
It’s the flower sent to Mom,
By the girl yesterday, on Mother’s Day.
With its vacant eyes open,the flower
Looks sad, not saying a word.
Mamma, I can remember that
In the colorful clouds,
You accepted my Mother’s Day gift,
Caressing my long hair gently.
Mamma, I thought that
You would bless me all my life.
I’ll be a beautiful picture,
Hanging on your cheeks.
Mamma, don’t dote on me any more.
And pick out more of my faults.
I was so naughty when I was young,
And not ready to be obedient.
I smashed this and broke that.
I ate lobster not wearing a stitch.
But those have already gone.
And now I’m already grown up.
Mamma, don’t tease me.
Surely, you’re hiding in some corner.
Are you selling greens at the market
Or busy with the crops in the field?
Mamma, come back home quickly.
I’m especially afraid of the dark!
Mamma, I’m awaiting you.
The door of my dream will never be bolted!
妈妈哪里去啦?
——一位汶川大地震中失去母亲孩子的哭诉
妈妈哪里去啦?
妈妈哪里去啦?
在震后的废墟上,
女孩在寻找妈妈。
问天天不应,
问地地不答,
平日温顺的大地,
竟邪恶狞笑了一下。
满天黑色的感叹,
遍地碎砖断瓦。
一支灰扑扑康乃馨,
摇曳在废墟旮旯。
那是咋天母亲节,
女孩送给母亲鲜花。
花睁着空洞洞双眸,
神色黯然一言不发。
妈妈,我记得:
您沐着缤纷彩霞,
接过我母亲节礼物,
轻轻将我长发摩挲。
妈妈,我以为:
您会庇护我一生。
我会成为美丽图画,
永远挂在您的面颊。
妈妈,别再宠着我,
多戳戳我小疮疤;
谁叫我小时淘气,
总是不听您话。
打碎这个,摔坏那个,
吃龙虾一丝不挂。
只是那些都已过去,
现在我已长大。
妈妈,别逗我玩,
您肯定藏在某个角落。
是在菜市场卖菜,
还是在地里忙着庄稼。
妈妈,快快回来!
黑夜我特别害怕!
妈妈,我等着您,
梦的门闩永远不插!
08年5月于淮安钓月小筑
电话:0517-83029785
通联:中国江苏省淮安市淮海北路50号江苏省清江中学 _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮
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戴玨 秀才
Joined: 03 Jan 2007 Posts: 808
戴玨Collection |
Posted: 2008-05-16 13:57:40 Post subject: |
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钓月 wrote: |
A dusty carnation’s wavering
In the nook of the ruins.
It’s the flower sent to Mom,
By the girl yesterday, on Mother’s Day.
The flower’s opening its vacant eyes,
Looking sad, not saying a word.
... |
憑感覺改了幾句:
In a nook of the ruins,
A dusty carnation's wavering.
The girl meant the flower for Mom,
Yesterday, on Mother's Day.
With its vacant eyes open, the flower
Looks sad, not saying a word. _________________ I labour by singing light
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Lake 举人
Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
Posted: 2008-05-16 18:59:04 Post subject: |
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This must be the most written subject during this time. And it should. I'm also glad it is written in English.
As long as it conveys one's real feeling, I feel we shouldn't be too critical about the expressions. However, I stumbled at "I enjoyed langouste without wearing a stitch" and "The sky’s filled with black plaits".
And
I’ll be a beautiful picture,
Hanging on your cheeks.
How could you hang a picture on one's cheeks? It sounds odd to me.
I'm not looking for the polish of the piece, but the clarity of it.
Maybe it is just that my brain is not working properly these days. _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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钓月 秀才
Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 409 Location: 中国江苏 钓月Collection |
Posted: 2008-05-17 01:58:30 Post subject: |
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1、答戴老师:
其他建议不错。正在考虑中。只是:
The girl meant the flower for Mom.
Your line means that the girl failed sending it to her mom, but according to the traditional customs, Mother's Day is usually on the second Sunday of May. It is just the day before the great earthquake. So the girl did send the carnation to her mom. There's a striking contrast in the poem. _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮
http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875
http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong |
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钓月 秀才
Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 409 Location: 中国江苏 钓月Collection |
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