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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

戽鱼过年

钓月
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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2008-04-16 16:19:40 Post subject: 戽鱼过年

我们一次次 徘徊村前塘畔 一回又一回 嗅着空气中腥膻 鱼儿晶莹的水花 绽放在我们双眼 鱼香氤氲 飘满大脑沟沟坂坂  终于，萧肃秋风里 听不到炎炎鸣蝉 湛蓝天空中 看不到续续归雁 年乘星驭月 光临农家栅栏 整个村庄沸腾了 戽鱼！戽鱼过年  戽水的祭起神勇 戽得月残星淡 全村男女老少 都在岸上鼓噪鬼喊 水渐戽渐少 黑黑泥浆乱翻 草鱼红鱼黄鳝 吓得魂飞魄散  游不上汉唐彩陶 开不出璀璨花瓣 不点额化龙 就云游不了九天 莫若乖乖罗罗 作我们农人佳馔 那夜梦境中 我们享用着盛宴  08-4-3于钓月小筑 _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

是有缘
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Joined: 08 Feb 2008
Posts: 741

是有缘Collection

Posted: 2008-04-16 17:02:54 Post subject:

写得新鲜细腻。一般惯久的素材不太容易写好。 _________________ 蜻蜓点水非无意愁云化雨是有情

钓月
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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2008-04-16 17:21:01 Post subject:

谢谢你的鼓励.熟悉的题材要写出新意确实不易! _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2008-04-16 18:41:56 Post subject:

戽鱼,没见过这样的场景,不过从诗中也可看出很鲜活的场景~问好!

钓月
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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2008-04-16 19:43:30 Post subject:

问好远握! _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

山城子
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Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection

Posted: 2008-04-17 00:44:43 Post subject:

游不上汉唐彩陶 开不出璀璨花瓣 不点额化龙 就云游不了九天学习！问好！ _________________ 诗是人生的雅伴儿。

莞君
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Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 561
Location: 中国陕西
莞君Collection

Posted: 2008-04-17 03:29:28 Post subject:

提读欣赏了问好 _________________ 莞君

钓月
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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2008-04-17 04:53:54 Post subject:

[quote="山城子"]游不上汉唐彩陶 ...[/quote] 谢谢李老师的鼓励欣赏. _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

钓月
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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2008-04-17 04:56:17 Post subject:

[quote="莞君"]提读欣赏了问好[/quote] 谢谢你的品读! _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2008-04-17 05:06:34 Post subject:

都说好, 我就泼点冷水吧. 小建议, 稍减用韵. 又得罪人, 溜了

钓月
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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2008-04-17 05:40:39 Post subject:

[quote="白水 Moonlight"]都说好, 我就泼点冷水吧. 小建议, 稍减用韵. 又得罪人, 溜了 [/quote] 不要开溜,观点需要碰撞,说说你的理由吧. 中诗的争论你不会不知道吧,一派写的是现代自由诗(译到这种诗,我这个搞翻译的是兴高采烈),另一派是无韵不成诗派(这种诗一般不易译). 我的观点:都喜欢,只要有诗的质感,呵呵,只是我本人从初一发第一首诗起一直比较注意押韵!习惯了. _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

钓月
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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2008-04-17 05:42:52 Post subject:

昨天看了一篇文章:力主格律新诗. _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

莞君
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Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 561
Location: 中国陕西
莞君Collection

Posted: 2008-04-17 05:43:25 Post subject:

深情流畅的语言白水姐说的有道理这样会受局限失去新意 _________________ 莞君

钓月
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Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2008-04-17 05:54:08 Post subject:

谢谢你们的指点. 不过我认为在可能的情况下,受点韵律的约束也是可以的吧.若确有好词好句或好的意境,突破也是正常的,呵呵. _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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