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油菜花开(5首)
歪歪1981
童生


Joined: 17 Jan 2008
Posts: 28

歪歪1981Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-08 02:54:35    Post subject: 油菜花开(5首) Reply with quote

■油菜花开

走进去,已经是另一片金黄了
见到人可以说人话,见到鬼
可以说鬼话,春风不成人形
还不是走过这些年。如今兵不荒
马也不会乱
大雁北归,乡民们只喝啤酒
打麻将,说着外省人听不懂的荤话
青梅依旧绕床,依旧无猜,只是不骑竹马
那煮酒的人也钻出卷了帘门
那身后暗红的女子,手无寸铁


■第二只老鼠

它的目光将会更浅
稻草和干粮,和一些
用来磨牙的木头
之前的唇红齿也白
之前的江山无限
之前的人不再指指点点
之前的河水尚未高出
洞穴,它逃了出来
还是要经过闹市区


■轨

再往前就是一座山
块状的黑,和安稳,再没有什么可以不测的
那个挑水的女子正横穿而过
我的白云山岗
青草和桃花,都溢了出来
一定有婴儿的啼哭声藏在附近
这炊烟四起的
这鸡飞狗跳的春天
我不能喊,也不能说
我的舌根里埋着一只完整的蜜蜂


■三月的仪式

该如何篡改它们的速度
桃花的开合,落。水流过天空的白以及
阴影砸在乡村的脸上
跳大神的人已消失多年
二狗于后山,长出枝干,叶子
风一吹,就念念有词


■适应

变色龙或墙头草
四季,潮汐
这个发困的下午
我翻阅,我辗转
我决定原谅
一扇门的狭小和宽阔
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金金
进士出身


Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-08 03:20:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

思考很仔细,展开上要下功夫能更好。问好
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http://blog.sina.com.cn/shirenjinjin
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歪歪1981
童生


Joined: 17 Jan 2008
Posts: 28

歪歪1981Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-09 02:49:28    Post subject: Re: 思考很仔细,展开上要下功夫能更好。问好 Reply with quote

金金 wrote:
思考很仔细,展开上要下功夫能更好。问好

多谢批评,意见收下,琢磨~~
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-09 14:49:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

不错!!这样的诗不好写!!!
_________________
走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-09 15:44:56    Post subject: Reply with quote

很灵动的思绪
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歪歪1981
童生


Joined: 17 Jan 2008
Posts: 28

歪歪1981Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-09 17:04:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

感谢二位斑竹鼓励,请多多批评,一一握手
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