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北美楓首頁 -> 西方文学　Western Literature

Driving in the Windy Snow

Lake
举人

註册時間: 2007-01-09
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發錶於: 2008-03-04 20:52:13 發錶主題: Driving in the Windy Snow

Driving in the Windy Snow White snowflakes swirling wildly in the air Behind the wheel dread eyes adjust to snow A hunk of steel still drives without despair A raging blizzard sweeps the cold ground bare Sand salt is sprinkled, ancient snowplows groan White snowflakes swirling wildly in the air If there is anything which to compare it's in the fog of London, fears will grow A hunk of steel still drives without despair The music turned up loud to keep aware with "Dreams of Flying", tangled musings flow White snowflakes swirling wildly in the air A girl asleep in back without a care as cold outside drops down to ten below A hunk of steel still drives without despair I sing to stay awake, through tears I stare with achy shoulders, stiffened frozen toes White snowflakes swirling wildly in the air A hunk of steel still drives without despair . _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

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William Zhou周道模
探花

註册時間: 2007-06-10
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來自: 中国四川广汉
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發錶於: 2008-03-04 22:47:36 發錶主題:

I've read and studied the poem. just like a song. I like it,thanks! _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

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戴玨
秀才

註册時間: 2007-01-03
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發錶於: 2008-03-05 15:09:27 發錶主題:

有兩個韻沒押好，groan和toes。 _________________ I labour by singing light 我的blog 我的專欄

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Lake
举人

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發錶於: 2008-03-05 22:10:04 發錶主題: Re: 有兩個韻沒押好，groan和toes。

Thanks for your read, William.

戴玨寫到:

有兩個韻沒押好，groan和toes。

谢谢戴玨的检查。想蒙混过去都不行。
这两个词我也知道。对我来说，写 form poetry 很难。这首都不知花了我多少时间，从第一稿到现在，你也都看到了。所以给自己打马虎眼，用 imperfect rhyme. 现经你指出，把 groan 改成 blow 怎样？toes 还得再想。

Sand salt is sprinkled, ancient snowplows blow

PS: I'm indebted to my friend Tinker who suggested extending my original seven syllables per line to a pentameter and helped smooth the choppiness of the text.

.
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

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戴玨
秀才

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發錶於: 2008-03-09 10:31:09 發錶主題:

blow有喘氣的意思，可以。 with achy shoulders shaking to and fro _________________ I labour by singing light 我的blog 我的專欄

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Lake
举人

註册時間: 2007-01-09
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Lake北美楓文集

發錶於: 2008-03-10 07:49:45 發錶主題: Re: blow有喘氣的意思，可以。

戴玨寫到:

blow有喘氣的意思，可以。
with achy shoulders shaking to and fro

谢谢戴玨，很好的建议。
一直把 to and fro 理解为 back and forth . 但在这里，要不停的调整方向盘，以使车行驶在路中间，to and fro 也行得通。

blow有喘氣的意思，还有扫雪、铲雪的意思。多义了？

再次感谢。
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

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