Lake
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Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
 Posted: 2008-03-04 20:52:13 Post subject: Driving in the Windy Snow |
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Driving in the Windy Snow
White snowflakes swirling wildly in the air
Behind the wheel dread eyes adjust to snow
A hunk of steel still drives without despair
A raging blizzard sweeps the cold ground bare
Sand salt is sprinkled, ancient snowplows groan
White snowflakes swirling wildly in the air
If there is anything which to compare
it's in the fog of London, fears will grow
A hunk of steel still drives without despair
The music turned up loud to keep aware
with "Dreams of Flying", tangled musings flow
White snowflakes swirling wildly in the air
A girl asleep in back without a care
as cold outside drops down to ten below
A hunk of steel still drives without despair
I sing to stay awake, through tears I stare
with achy shoulders, stiffened frozen toes
White snowflakes swirling wildly in the air
A hunk of steel still drives without despair
.
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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William Zhou周道模
探花
Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection |
| Posted: 2008-03-04 22:47:36 Post subject: |
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I've read and studied the poem.
just like a song. I like it,thanks!
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戴玨
秀才
Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 808
戴玨Collection |
| Posted: 2008-03-05 15:09:27 Post subject: |
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有兩個韻沒押好，groan和toes。
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Lake
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Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
| Posted: 2008-03-05 22:10:04 Post subject: Re: 有兩個韻沒押好，groan和toes。 |
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Thanks for your read, William.
| 戴玨 wrote: |
| 有兩個韻沒押好，groan和toes。 |
谢谢 戴玨 的检查。 想蒙混过去都不行。
这两个词我也知道。对我来说， 写 form poetry 很难。这首都不知花了我多少时间，从第一稿到现在，你也都看到了。 所以给自己打马虎眼，用 imperfect rhyme. 现经你指出， 把 groan 改成 blow 怎样？toes 还得再想。
Sand salt is sprinkled, ancient snowplows blow
PS: I'm indebted to my friend Tinker who suggested extending my original seven syllables per line to a pentameter and helped smooth the choppiness of the text.
.
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戴玨
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戴玨Collection |
| Posted: 2008-03-09 10:31:09 Post subject: |
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blow有喘氣的意思，可以。
with achy shoulders shaking to and fro
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Lake
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Joined: 09 Jan 2007
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| Posted: 2008-03-10 07:49:45 Post subject: Re: blow有喘氣的意思，可以。 |
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| 戴玨 wrote: |
blow有喘氣的意思，可以。
with achy shoulders shaking to and fro |
谢谢戴玨， 很好的建议。
一直把 to and fro 理解为 back and forth . 但在这里，要不停的调整方向盘，以使车行驶在路中间，to and fro 也行得通。
blow有喘氣的意思，还有扫雪、铲雪的意思。多义了？
再次感谢。
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