Maple Review Home
   Chinese Literature Society of North America | Maple Review | Immigrants in Canada | Angel Studio | The Driftwood Artist Society | Ocean of Poetry | Island of Music
"HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
  
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister  ProfileProfile    Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Sign inSign in   BlogsBlogs    Weblogs NewsWeblogs News   AlbumAlbum 
English Home Bilingual Home Chinese Home
Dictionary Check Poems' Rules & Forms Search for Chinese Poems Poetry & Music

Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌 Post new topic   Reply to topic
打工之五 <<附件:刘乙太>>
嘉慕思
童生


Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 78
Location: 佳木斯
嘉慕思Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-17 22:35:59    Post subject: 打工之五 <<附件:刘乙太>> Reply with quote

在京打工 (之五)

附件:刘乙太
1

工棚边缘都是待拆的民房
一个个巨大的"拆"字画在墙上
如同晚清法场上巨大的"斩"字

那里住着各色女人
洗头房 洗脚屋 足疗室
女人们待价而沽
十元起 二十 三十 五十不等

派出所偶而突然袭击
挨罚的当然是刘乙太
张口三千 找老板讲情
煽两撇子 不开收据
五百了事

知情人都知道
那里有"点"
片警和"暗娼"
五五分成

2
在小吃部
我大声朗诵我们的痛苦

兄弟 你真是个人物
酩酊的刘乙太高声喧嚷

我同他们在一起
外表一样 但并不爱他们
尤其刘乙太

我的朗读还在继续
最后 也只有刘乙太听下去了

一个又胖又丑的服务员
也听的目瞪口呆

刘乙太举着我的诗稿
去吻她丰厚的额头

愤怒的老板冲出来
将刘的背心和我盐渍的牛皮纸
撕滥

民工们做鸟兽散
我扶乙太去医伤

可是 诗歌是快有毒的糖
无法进入庸医的药方

2006年夏
_________________
我为自己唱挽歌---文学是个人的选择,不是集体的强加
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-17 22:51:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

可是 诗歌是快有毒的糖
无法进入庸医的药方


有特色~
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Blog
博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-18 09:59:31    Post subject: Reply with quote

一个个巨大的"拆"字画在墙上
如同晚清法场上巨大的"斩"字

举重若轻,"拆","斩",这已进入记号诗学的领域。

厉害!
_________________
(在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Blog Visit poster's website
杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-18 18:06:48    Post subject: Reply with quote

很沉重的记录。
_________________
杯中冲浪.披履而行
http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-18 18:17:21    Post subject: Reply with quote

立意不错, 感觉文字显得散了些. 直言了, 商榷.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Blog
嘉慕思
童生


Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 78
Location: 佳木斯
嘉慕思Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-18 23:11:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

识半溪明月
知学者博弈
交杯中冲浪
守白水清心

当平生幸甚
愿友情加深
_________________
我为自己唱挽歌---文学是个人的选择,不是集体的强加
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-22 03:21:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

支持写生.勇敢写下去!
_________________
靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Blog Visit poster's website
杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-22 04:00:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

同意白水兄的看法,叙述的语言还需加强
_________________
走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Blog
嘉慕思
童生


Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 78
Location: 佳木斯
嘉慕思Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-23 22:17:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢海军兄直言 谢白水建议.当继续加强.
_________________
我为自己唱挽歌---文学是个人的选择,不是集体的强加
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Emoticons
Very Happy Smile Sad Surprised
Shocked Confused Cool Laughing
Mad Razz Embarassed Crying or Very sad
Evil or Very Mad Twisted Evil Rolling Eyes Wink
Exclamation Question Idea Arrow
View more Emoticons
Page 1 of 1           View previous topic View next topic    
Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌    Post new topic   Reply to topic
Jump to:  


Once you post your works here, that means you submits them to the magazine of Maple Review (North American Maple, or BeiMeiFeng), a bilingual journal published by Chinese Literature Society of North America. The magazine holds the right to translate them into Chinese, and publish them in both languages. You need to be responsible for the copyright issues of your own files uploaded.
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
phpBB Chinese interface was translated by iCy-fLaME