悠子 举人
Joined: 04 Jan 2008 Posts: 1383 Location: US 悠子Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-14 01:28:59 Post subject: 废园(落尘诗社后) |
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废园
你的废园
是我的眷恋
枯黄和苔青涂抹着
幽深的静谧和婉约
痴迷如蔓延的草
乱窜的枝条,寻找
斑斓的漆上你剥落的笑
凭栏远眺
一断流水一座小桥
石凳上的尘飞
荡着你的逍遥
星星珠帘
淡淡月色将我轻笼
谁在意,诧紫嫣红
01/14/2008 |
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悠子 举人
Joined: 04 Jan 2008 Posts: 1383 Location: US 悠子Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-14 01:30:03 Post subject: |
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谢谢博弈和诗盗. |
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白水 大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-14 01:32:32 Post subject: |
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落尘之后是不同 |
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悠子 举人
Joined: 04 Jan 2008 Posts: 1383 Location: US 悠子Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-14 01:53:32 Post subject: |
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让坎的不同了, 不过还好, 不痛 |
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白水 大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-14 01:59:03 Post subject: |
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我习惯一首诗歌写好后, 非得沉淀一段等有了新的灵感再改动. 看来得向你们学学 |
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悠子 举人
Joined: 04 Jan 2008 Posts: 1383 Location: US 悠子Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-14 02:37:31 Post subject: |
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白水 Moonlight wrote: |
我习惯一首诗歌写好后, 非得沉淀一段等有了新的灵感再改动. 看来得向你们学学 |
我也是随意的, 想也没有用。。。不过这回是为了不能辜负落尘诗社~。 不知诗盗要怎样谢我 |
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博弈 榜眼
Joined: 21 Dec 2006 Posts: 4381 Location: SFO 博弈Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-14 03:19:38 Post subject: |
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喜欢. _________________ (在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美) |
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nobody 进士出身
Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 2651 Location: Madtown nobodyCollection |
Posted: 2008-01-15 04:28:49 Post subject: |
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好感觉.音乐性再稍强点,就成徐志摩了
静谧和婉约... 这类词不应该出现,不是诗歌语言,个见 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you? |
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荷梦 进士出身
Joined: 19 Dec 2006 Posts: 2826 Location: 湖北,黄梅 荷梦Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-15 04:56:22 Post subject: |
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很美,语言意境。。。 |
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半溪明月 榜眼
Joined: 30 Sep 2006 Posts: 4760
半溪明月Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-15 16:55:59 Post subject: |
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很美~ |
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詩盜喜裸評 进士出身
Joined: 15 May 2007 Posts: 2984 Location: 台湾,台北 詩盜喜裸評Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-15 17:13:40 Post subject: |
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谢,这得重重谢!决定把祖传秘方分享到你(健康与美容)。祖传的喔!好几代哪!
超级连接不会弄!唉~
再编辑:扭吧弟似乎说得有道理,为何不阐述一下观点,让想学习的朋友吸收吸收。 _________________ 可情可理,去捧就真 |
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詩盜喜裸評 进士出身
Joined: 15 May 2007 Posts: 2984 Location: 台湾,台北 詩盜喜裸評Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-15 17:21:06 Post subject: |
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诗盗喜裸评 wrote: |
谢,这得重重谢!决定把祖传秘方分享到你(健康与美容)。祖传的喔!好几代哪!
再编辑:扭吧弟似乎说得有道理,为何不阐述一下观点,让想学习的朋友吸收吸收。
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咋成这样!麻烦班长删这贴。抱歉!谢谢! _________________ 可情可理,去捧就真 |
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佳忆 童生
Joined: 14 Jan 2008 Posts: 96
佳忆Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-15 17:34:57 Post subject: |
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谱上曲子一定很美..... _________________ 我只说三句话,加上上面的一句,我的话说完了 |
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詩盜喜裸評 进士出身
Joined: 15 May 2007 Posts: 2984 Location: 台湾,台北 詩盜喜裸評Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-15 17:37:09 Post subject: |
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您数学有问题,俺咋算都是四句半! _________________ 可情可理,去捧就真 |
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佳忆 童生
Joined: 14 Jan 2008 Posts: 96
佳忆Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-15 17:44:32 Post subject: |
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詩盜喜裸評 wrote: |
您数学有问题,俺咋算都是四句半! |
现在的歌可以乱唱...没有说道的...
呵呵
问好诗盗...握手... _________________ 我只说三句话,加上上面的一句,我的话说完了 |
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詩盜喜裸評 进士出身
Joined: 15 May 2007 Posts: 2984 Location: 台湾,台北 詩盜喜裸評Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-15 17:52:00 Post subject: |
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佳忆 wrote: |
诗盗喜裸评 wrote: |
您数学有问题,俺咋算都是四句半! |
现在的歌可以乱唱...没有说道的...
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我喜欢唱歌,也喜欢说道,我喜欢这个世界有逻辑,却也知道没有逻辑就是逻辑的真义。
您好啊!欢迎到(落尘诗社)一坐,我希望的不仅仅是握手。
http://oson.ca/viewforum.php?f=170 _________________ 可情可理,去捧就真 |
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佳忆 童生
Joined: 14 Jan 2008 Posts: 96
佳忆Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-15 18:08:12 Post subject: |
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去拜访了...有点怕,怕经不住打....
不知诗盗打人滴时候,是不是看人选工具涅.....
呵呵... _________________ 我只说三句话,加上上面的一句,我的话说完了 |
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詩盜喜裸評 进士出身
Joined: 15 May 2007 Posts: 2984 Location: 台湾,台北 詩盜喜裸評Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-15 18:45:47 Post subject: |
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佳忆 wrote: |
去拜访了...有点怕,怕经不住打....
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没啊?没见着哪?怎说打?(落尘诗社)想把许多作者对诗的观点、技巧等做一番整理,让我可以好好吸收! _________________ 可情可理,去捧就真 |
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