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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

寂静的船

绝世孤独
童生

Joined: 17 Dec 2006
Posts: 9

绝世孤独Collection

Posted: 2006-12-18 23:56:20 Post subject: 寂静的船

倚着古刻雕花的船舷托着腮我想象中的彼岸有雾。风有一下没一下的撩拨着帆一只腊梅挂在破旧的帆上临行前那个少年挂上去的羞涩地扶我的腰唇红齿白宁愿这是个夏日骤雨给我足够的时间冲洗漆裂的甲板还有很久我轻轻说 _________________ 一步步前行，不停回望渍入脚印里的泪滴。。。。。

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2006-12-19 00:53:32 Post subject:

风有一下没一下的撩拨着帆《１》那种落寞　跃于纸上！临行前那个少年挂上去的羞涩地扶我的腰唇红齿白《２》一个让荷尔蒙暴涨的意外。。。宁愿这是个夏日骤雨给我足够的时间冲洗漆裂的甲板《３》何止甲板，我都要去大桶大桶的冲凉了还有很久我轻轻说《４》还有很久，船才开航。。　对吗？《》《》《》非常好的隐写　！！！ _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

绝世孤独
童生

Joined: 17 Dec 2006
Posts: 9

绝世孤独Collection

Posted: 2006-12-19 01:54:35 Post subject:

哈哈，很有意思的评论，谢过。 _________________ 一步步前行，不停回望渍入脚印里的泪滴。。。。。

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2006-12-19 03:11:44 Post subject:

诗小，很给人回味~感谢!

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2006-12-19 03:17:44 Post subject:

语感很好。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2006-12-19 09:22:09 Post subject:

绝世孤独 wrote:

哈哈，很有意思的评论，谢过。

楼主是位很　潇洒不羁的人　；）

Wink

_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

维鹿延
秀才

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 212
Location: 中国广东
维鹿延Collection

Posted: 2006-12-20 08:00:44 Post subject:

呵……诗好，点评好。 _________________ 散步者身体里面的声音

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2006-12-20 08:03:56 Post subject:

维鹿延 wrote:

呵……诗好，点评好。

的确. 同感

左岸
秀才

Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection

Posted: 2006-12-28 14:53:01 Post subject:

诗性不错，干净，优美，读后耳目一新。 _________________ 黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河

和平岛
举人

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection

Posted: 2006-12-28 15:49:13 Post subject:

这样的诗歌, 读者一定很多建议加精 _________________ 写诗是为了写更好的诗

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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