风动 秀才
Joined: 15 Dec 2006 Posts: 290
风动Collection |
Posted: 2006-12-15 22:24:22 Post subject: 冬日下一棵树的沉默(问好各位) |
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初雪的手摸索过大地的余温
河水收敛,灰白的天
拉长了黄昏的脸
接着
雪花,冰凌,北风
几场可以预期的暴风雪
将季节的全部伎俩,压进
冬日下一棵树的沉默
2006-12-14 |
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和平岛 举人

Joined: 25 May 2006 Posts: 1277 Location: Victoria, Canada 和平岛Collection |
Posted: 2006-12-15 22:46:17 Post subject: |
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非常形象
手
摸索过大地的余温
拉长了黄昏的脸
将季节的全部伎俩,压进
把冬天与雪
描写得生动活泼
又有沉重的思考:
冬日下一棵树的沉默 _________________ 写诗是为了写更好的诗 |
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半溪明月 榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006 Posts: 4760
半溪明月Collection |
Posted: 2006-12-15 23:03:08 Post subject: |
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欣赏,学习!  |
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白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2006-12-16 17:55:49 Post subject: |
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修炼数月, 出手果然不凡. 特别喜欢尾句  |
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和平岛 举人

Joined: 25 May 2006 Posts: 1277 Location: Victoria, Canada 和平岛Collection |
Posted: 2006-12-16 19:10:47 Post subject: |
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月光 wrote: |
修炼数月, 出手果然不凡. 特别喜欢尾句  |
写诗歌不在于多
而在于精呀
 _________________ 写诗是为了写更好的诗 |
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杯中冲浪 进士出身
Joined: 29 Sep 2006 Posts: 2891 Location: 中国 杯中冲浪Collection |
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维鹿延 秀才
Joined: 30 Sep 2006 Posts: 212 Location: 中国广东 维鹿延Collection |
Posted: 2006-12-17 07:48:57 Post subject: |
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确实是精炼到家了! _________________ 散步者身体里面的声音 |
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迪拜 同进士出身
Joined: 31 Oct 2006 Posts: 1588
迪拜Collection |
Posted: 2006-12-17 18:03:15 Post subject: 请原谅 |
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最后两句特别好
另:想改一个标题,无论好不好,请不要骂我
--------标题,能不能改为<冬树> |
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风动 秀才
Joined: 15 Dec 2006 Posts: 290
风动Collection |
Posted: 2006-12-17 19:14:33 Post subject: |
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谢谢友们阅评。
谢谢迪拜兄弟的建言,标题是在没更满意的情况下临时安的,可能已经引起误导的作用,更改考虑中。 |
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左岸 秀才
Joined: 12 Oct 2006 Posts: 215 Location: 中国大连 左岸Collection |
Posted: 2006-12-17 19:53:19 Post subject: |
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初雪的手摸索过大地的余温
河水收敛,灰白的天
拉长了黄昏的脸
接着
雪花,冰凌,北风
几场可以预期的暴风雪
将季节的全部伎俩,压进
冬日下一棵树的沉默
诗句凝练,画面感强,意象冷艳,寓意深邃,尾句精妙。 _________________ 黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河 |
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风动 秀才
Joined: 15 Dec 2006 Posts: 290
风动Collection |
Posted: 2007-01-29 19:20:37 Post subject: |
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谢谢左岸的阅评,问好! |
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