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拾穗者
杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-11 01:34:34    Post subject: 拾穗者 Reply with quote

拾穗者

田野上挥鞭子的人走了

带走了大地的光芒

一个拾穗者

游荡在大地的叶子上

像一只天空盘旋的鸟



竹篮里坐满黄色的麦穗

收容者脸上泪水混着泥巴

一阵风掀起她的头巾

燃烧的身影穿过岁月的走廊



多年后

我依然听见走廊里的风声

深处传来母亲的咳嗽

一个年轻女人的脸一晃

变成了一池被风吹皱了的秋水
_________________
走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-11 03:31:56    Post subject: Reply with quote

生活的, 哲理的. 提
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-11 03:56:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

这是一个故事,但有些绕了,反而不明朗了。
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杯中冲浪.披履而行
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-11 04:16:17    Post subject: Reply with quote

看到了----米勒
一幅好油画.

竹篮里坐满黄色的麦穗
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-11 04:47:33    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢白水诗人、杯中冲浪诗人、少君诗人!!!海军祝好!!1
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走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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冰夕
童生


Joined: 10 Oct 2007
Posts: 92
Location: 台灣北部
冰夕Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-11 07:25:33    Post subject: Re: 拾穗者 Reply with quote

杨海军 wrote:
拾穗者

竹篮里坐满黄色的麦穗

收容者脸上泪水混着泥巴



多年后

我依然听见走廊里的风声

深处传来母亲的咳嗽




如上二、三节的对比,匆匆收容在岁月之眼的记忆底
充盈真相的喟感而揭 ---


冰夕阅诗有感。
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子花
秀才


Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-12 21:26:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

一个年轻女人的脸一晃

变成了一池被风吹皱了的秋水----老树开花
问候海军诗人
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桔子
秀才


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 214

桔子Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-13 14:08:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

从容,淡淡的伤感.问好 Very Happy
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黑雨滴
秀才


Joined: 11 Jun 2007
Posts: 144

黑雨滴Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-19 19:15:38    Post subject: Reply with quote

喜欢这一首
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nobody
进士出身


Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2007-10-19 20:25:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

一个年轻女人的脸一晃
变成了一池被风吹皱了的秋水

虽不鲜见这样写时空恍惚感的手法,不过不觉得老套,还是很贴切,并觉心下一惊。
前些天母亲在电话里让回去看看,说,老了。。。顿感聚日无多,匆忙定下了明年的归期。
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I'm nobody! Who are you?
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子花
秀才


Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-19 22:30:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

再来看看有什么高论!!!问候海军诗人!!以及以上各位诗人朋友!!
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上城
进士出身


Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-19 23:46:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好海军兄。
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每个诗人都很重要
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赵雅君
童生


Joined: 07 Aug 2007
Posts: 99

赵雅君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-20 03:14:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

收获中光阴悄悄流逝,诗句给人留下的回味有一点怅惘的味道。海军近来好吗?收获季节劳碌,多注意身体。握。
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-21 16:11:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢楼上的诗人们!!海军祝大家好!!!!
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走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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彭世学
秀才


Joined: 24 Jun 2007
Posts: 187
Location: 中国
彭世学Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-22 22:44:39    Post subject: Reply with quote

多年后

我依然听见走廊里的风声

深处传来母亲的咳嗽

一个年轻女人的脸一晃

变成了一池被风吹皱了的秋水


无情的岁月,令人感喟与顿悟!问好诗人!!
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-23 22:47:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢
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走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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