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《一切,正常》、《雪雁》(初次来发贴,请多指教!)
沙果
童生


Joined: 31 Aug 2007
Posts: 15

沙果Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-07 23:28:01    Post subject: 《一切,正常》、《雪雁》(初次来发贴,请多指教!) Reply with quote

【一切,正常】


□ 沙果



大口喘气的
拖拉机
憋足了一身的劲


秋天的明火
在被割倒的玉米地里集中
扑灭


一切,正常
也顺理成章


只有父亲额头上的汗珠
一年大于一年



【雪雁】




雪雁像雪
有像雪一样的羽毛


因为一场雪化了
水草丰美


让人们看不到:鸟与草有怎样的关联?

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hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-10-08 16:01:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

你这两个
还是差了一点点

如果我写
可就成我的了
Embarassed
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hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

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PostPosted: 2007-10-08 16:06:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

看看我写的
算是交学费吧:

http://oson.ca/viewtopic.php?p=45591#45591

Laughing
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hepingdao
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PostPosted: 2007-10-08 16:06:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

第一个
留给你自己提炼
Very Happy
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沙果
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Joined: 31 Aug 2007
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沙果Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-08 17:41:31    Post subject: Reply with quote

hepingdao老师:问好!谢谢指教!
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黑雨滴
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Joined: 11 Jun 2007
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黑雨滴Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-08 19:08:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好
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