沙果
童生
Joined: 31 Aug 2007
Posts: 15
沙果Collection |
 Posted: 2007-10-07 23:28:01 Post subject: 《一切，正常》、《雪雁》（初次来发贴，请多指教！） |
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【一切，正常】
□ 沙果
大口喘气的
拖拉机
憋足了一身的劲
秋天的明火
在被割倒的玉米地里集中
扑灭
一切，正常
也顺理成章
只有父亲额头上的汗珠
一年大于一年
【雪雁】
雪雁像雪
有像雪一样的羽毛
因为一场雪化了
水草丰美
让人们看不到：鸟与草有怎样的关联？
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hepingdao
Site Admin
Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106
hepingdaoCollection |
| Posted: 2007-10-08 16:01:58 Post subject: |
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你这两个
还是差了一点点
如果我写
可就成我的了
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hepingdao
Site Admin
Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106
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hepingdao
Site Admin
Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106
hepingdaoCollection |
| Posted: 2007-10-08 16:06:43 Post subject: |
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第一个
留给你自己提炼
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沙果
童生
Joined: 31 Aug 2007
Posts: 15
沙果Collection |
| Posted: 2007-10-08 17:41:31 Post subject: |
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hepingdao老师：问好！谢谢指教！
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黑雨滴
秀才
Joined: 11 Jun 2007
Posts: 144
黑雨滴Collection |
| Posted: 2007-10-08 19:08:35 Post subject: |
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问好
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