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"HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
  
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破阵子 黄娟
jemmy
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PostPosted: 2007-10-01 15:34:25    Post subject: 破阵子 黄娟 Reply with quote

破阵子
为电视剧《玉井传奇》作戚家军军歌
黄娟
浩浩荡荡旌旗,威威猛猛勇兵。火器弓箭鸳鸯阵,农民矿工新力军,戚字烈烈名。 纵横四海驰骋,南征北战讨惩。长短兵器冲杀声,英雄豪杰快恣气,抗倭担重任。

请大家提提意见
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戴玨
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PostPosted: 2007-10-01 21:08:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

平仄不對,下片韻也沒押上。此調詞譜如下:
  破阵子 双调六十二字,前后段各五句,三平韵              晏 殊

海上蟠桃易熟 人间秋月长圆 惟有擘钗分钿侣 离别常多会面难 此情须问天  蜡烛到
◎●⊙○◎●句 ⊙○⊙●○○韵 ⊙●◎○○●●句 ⊙●○○◎●○韵 ◎○⊙●○韵   ◎●◎
明垂泪 熏炉尽日生烟 一点凄凉愁绝意 漫道秦筝有剩弦 何曾为细传
○⊙●句 ⊙○◎●○○韵 ◎●⊙○○●●句 ◎●○○◎●○韵 ⊙○◎●○韵
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jemmy
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PostPosted: 2007-10-01 21:40:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢戴生。
我实在不是喜欢循规蹈矩的人,但既然说的是破阵子,就该有破阵子的样。这跟译诗不同。我学学看。
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