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<<呼喊>>
韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-18 15:29:18    Post subject: <<呼喊>> Reply with quote

blue moon

呼喊



不做天空的花朵
月亮 是草原上空的云雀
也不做高山雪莲
月亮 是冰峰之巅的大鸟

它飞
向长空 向更远的山
越飞越冷
在飞翔中隐没翅膀

它的
那银色的白光



一滴水
是透明的虫子
在绿叶上爬来爬去

一只草菇
是大地的耳朵
在倾听雨点的脚步
走了多远

一匹马
是草原上的飞矢
它在量着
牧歌与冬天的距离

而我
只是被丢弃了的经验
哭泣着远离新世界


saddd
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-18 16:56:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

清新

灵气

舒服
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下一个偶像是野兽
秀才


Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 504
Location: 西安
下一个偶像是野兽Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-18 19:12:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

呵呵,最近比较善感。

问好少君
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-18 20:14:08    Post subject: Reply with quote

仲秋将临, 月亮引起潮夕 Cool
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nobody
进士出身


Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
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PostPosted: 2007-09-18 20:37:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

下一个偶像是野兽 wrote:
呵呵,最近比较善感。
问好少君


同意。不过这才像个诗人 Laughing
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-18 23:31:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢 迪拜 下一个偶像是野兽 白水 Moonlight nobody

各位关注.本人常常为自己诗歌的没有新异而苦恼.
有情绪而找不到最佳的表达方式就是''功夫''不到.

为什么强调诗到语言止,其实就是还有技巧可言.愿与各位共勉!
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sgb
童生


Joined: 18 Sep 2007
Posts: 8

sgbCollection
PostPosted: 2007-09-18 23:48:44    Post subject: Reply with quote

第二首有新意,问好!
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-19 08:33:48    Post subject: Reply with quote

弯月有翅膀,好想象~


而我
只是被丢弃了的经验
哭泣着远离新世界

喜欢这几句~

问好少君!
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jemmy
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Joined: 06 Jun 2007
Posts: 414
Location: china
jemmyCollection
PostPosted: 2007-09-19 11:10:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

你现在才知道少君这阵与已往不同?
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荷梦
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Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北,黄梅
荷梦Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-22 05:12:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

而我
只是被丢弃了的经验
哭泣着远离新世界
——这是怎样的情感呢?唉!
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沙漠
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Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-22 05:57:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

一滴水
是透明的虫子
在绿叶上爬来爬去

这比喻形象生动!
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黑雨滴
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Joined: 11 Jun 2007
Posts: 144

黑雨滴Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-22 07:07:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

而我
只是被丢弃了的经验
哭泣着远离新世界

我也喜欢这些句子的感觉,问好诗人
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