相思（双语）黄娟

[jemmy]

相思（双语）
黄娟

我是蚕
我有着蚕的悲哀
对着你的决烈或者我不是一腔死念
把我的遗体托在手心
又一个人 去学纺织


Pine with love

I were a cicada
I had the grieved like cicada
Maybe I wasn't dropping the idea forever at all
When I faced your cruel and unyielding
Supporting my die body with your hand
Another man went to learn textile
_________________
http://blog.sina.com.cn/sowhy

[kokho]

I were a cicada ??

..
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乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[William Zhou周道模]

英语用一般现在时翻译此诗要好些.
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

[jemmy]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

相思（双语）
黄娟

我是蚕
我有着蚕的悲哀
对着你的决烈或者我不是一腔死念
把我的遗体托在手心
又一个人 去学纺织


Pine with love

I were a cicada
I have the grieved like cicada
Maybe I amn't dropping the idea forever at all
When I face your cruel and unyielding
Supporting my die body with your hand
Another man go to learn textile
_________________
曾经想过,迟疑许久用过去时,听你这么说,那么,还是一般现在时更好?
多指教,我才说许久没见你动静
谢
_________________
http://blog.sina.com.cn/sowhy

[戴玨]

I was a cicada
I have the grieved?
決裂吧？
“Maybe I amn't dropping the idea forever at all
When I face your cruel and unyielding ” 意思不大清楚。
I was grieved like a cicada
by your cruelness and callosity or ...
“或者我不是一腔死念”是不是說沒死心？
hold my dead body，die是動詞，support给人感觉是扶的意思。
learn weaving，textile指紡織品。
又一个人，真是指另一個男人？
_________________
I labour by singing light
我的blog
我的專欄

[jemmy]

我们从前学虚拟的时候,什么人称都用were,我不知道还可以用was
又一个人,当然是指男主人公,这只是针对去学纺织的
不是对男主角不死心,而是对人间仍存善意——一解释弄得味都简单，女子自比蚕，那就是还给了人类东西吧，死了，留下丝呢
support我们这里当托解
这么短的诗,这么不象样,还是戴版主把它译了吧
谢
_________________
http://blog.sina.com.cn/sowhy

[jemmy]

戴sir:
如果按照你的版本，是：
I was a cicada
I was grieved like a cicada
Maybe I amn't dropping the idea forever at all
By your crueless and callosity
Hold my dead body with your hand
Another man go to learn weaving
若按我的版本：
I were a cicada
I have the grieved like a cicada
Maybe I amn't dropping the idea forever at all
When I face your crueless and callosity
Supporting my dead body with your hand
Another man go to learn weaving
我觉得hold也许更多是指握，第二句如你所译觉得有点不太甘心，诗意似乎有些差别了，也许，外国佬一看这倒象中国诗，不知是否可好
讨教，译完的话该算是合作了吧
_________________
http://blog.sina.com.cn/sowhy

[William Zhou周道模]

问好黄娟:
我去新疆开诗会和采风17天，才回来。
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诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

[戴玨]

[戴玨]

[jemmy]

戴玨译

I was a cicada
I was grieved like a cicada
Maybe I wasn't dropping the idea forever at all
By your crueless and callosity
Hold my dead body with your palm
Another man went to learn weaving
_________________
http://blog.sina.com.cn/sowhy

[jemmy]

周生:
当有大收获,望分享
_________________
http://blog.sina.com.cn/sowhy

[William Zhou周道模]

回黄娟：
《诗刊》和《绿风》以“西部的太阳”为题联合征诗，我得了个小奖，去石河子领了奖，参加了诗歌研讨会和“中国诗人西部行”采风活动，结识了许多忘命读诗写诗之人。我将挂出一些拙作以求教，望批评。
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诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

[戴玨]

[jemmy]

戴版主,不逼你不出山嘛,不过几个句子,你译不就结罗
先谢你

周生:
祝贺!愿很快就能拜读
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http://blog.sina.com.cn/sowhy

[Lake]

cicada 不是“蝉”吗？ 也有“蚕”的意思？
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

[戴玨]

[jemmy]

这silkworm把我给缠住了,连带裹了戴生
超级该杀
_________________
http://blog.sina.com.cn/sowhy

[jemmy]

Pined with love

I were a silkworm
I was grieved like a silkworm
Maybe I wasn't dropping the idea forever at all
When I faced your crueless and callosity
Held my dead body in the palm of your hand
Another man went to learn weaving

读书人的脾气,戴生看来是断不肯做这译主,我又不能让这诗这么挂着,而且戴生会为我的"中国"译法感到耻辱,为着后者,我不能坑他。这样吧，我只有声明我从戴生那获得许多帮助，但我的翻译也基于一个不成熟的想法，那就是让外国人一看就知道是中国诗，许多中国式的英语词汇用法外国也接受了嘛。
欢迎探讨
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http://blog.sina.com.cn/sowhy