Maple Review :: View topic - 听雨的时候，给你

	Chinese Literature Society of North America \| Maple Review \| Immigrants in Canada \| Angel Studio \| The Driftwood Artist Society \| Ocean of Poetry \| Island of Music "HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
	FAQ Search Memberlist Usergroups Register Profile Log in to check your private messages Sign in Blogs Weblogs News Album



Dictionary Check Poems' Rules & Forms Search for Chinese Poems Poetry & Music

Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

听雨的时候，给你

游向高原的鱼
秀才

Joined: 20 May 2007
Posts: 382

游向高原的鱼Collection

Posted: 2007-09-08 18:30:27 Post subject: 听雨的时候，给你

听雨的时候，给你 ——赠九月薄荷，我的爱我演绎着自己的温热在雨的滴答声里翻转着紧张的神经那一根做弦的神经绷上了你的吉他让秋风日夜不息地拨弄可我震聋的双耳依然清晰地读着你的故事 _________________ 人生乃是一面镜子，在其中认识自己。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-09-08 19:17:54 Post subject:

真情的, 就是感人的.

阿依琼裙
秀才

Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection

Posted: 2007-09-08 19:34:02 Post subject:

那一根做弦的神经 _________________ 踏过废墟,走来 http://blog.sina.com.cn/m/weiyurong

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-09-08 21:09:10 Post subject:

[quote="阿依琼裙"]那一根做那一根做弦的神经绷上了你的吉他 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-09-08 23:36:19 Post subject:

可我震聋的双耳依然清晰地读着你的故事真情～

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2007-09-08 23:40:41 Post subject:

最后1段，最好去掉，写法老套了。

游向高原的鱼
秀才

Joined: 20 May 2007
Posts: 382

游向高原的鱼Collection

Posted: 2007-09-09 02:51:18 Post subject:

谢谢迪拜批评！ _________________ 人生乃是一面镜子，在其中认识自己。

钓月
秀才

Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2008-06-12 15:20:27 Post subject:

那一根做弦的神经绷上了你的吉他让秋风日夜不息地拨弄好新颖浪漫的想象! 最后两句可改得开阔一些问好! _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

游向高原的鱼
秀才

Joined: 20 May 2007
Posts: 382

游向高原的鱼Collection

Posted: 2008-06-14 16:47:35 Post subject:

我自己觉得采用迪拜的意见好，更含蓄。 _________________ 人生乃是一面镜子，在其中认识自己。

Display posts from previous:

Emoticons





View more Emoticons

Page 1 of 1 View previous topic View next topic

Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

Once you post your works here, that means you submits them to the magazine of Maple Review (North American Maple, or BeiMeiFeng), a bilingual journal published by Chinese Literature Society of North America. The magazine holds the right to translate them into Chinese, and publish them in both languages. You need to be responsible for the copyright issues of your own files uploaded.
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
phpBB Chinese interface was translated by iCy-fLaME