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夜晚好比是鱼吹出的泡沫
和平岛
举人


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-11 23:33:26    Post subject: 夜晚好比是鱼吹出的泡沫 Reply with quote

一个夜晚可以用一句话总结
就一定是诗歌,如果恰好被狗听见
这句话就是有福的,好比一个大烟圈
套住了一个小烟圈,并一直往上提

生活是多么有意思,如果能被
一条绳子套住,并一直往上提
好比内心的一口深井,如果听到
星光里传来的蛙鸣,还能若无其事

这样的人多么有深度,如果退潮的鲜血
能够用一个比喻擦亮,他甚至可以不朽
他只用一根骨头,就运走了一整个夜晚
鱼的咳嗽,连同被卡住的漆黑的石头
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维鹿延
秀才


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 212
Location: 中国广东
维鹿延Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-12 06:28:39    Post subject: Reply with quote

最后一段显然比较有意思。
楼主显然在语言的追求上有一种“平白”的倾向。用平白的语言,获得最强的张力,而且不失流畅,给想象更多的空间,这其实是我最近一直想办的事。
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散步者身体里面的声音
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-12 07:53:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

如鲠在喉.
此诗妙就妙在诗人用平淡却略带诙谐的语言道出了胸中的郁闷,,,,,,其效果有如秋日绵绵细雨比夏日的暴雨狂风更令人压抑
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-12 07:58:59    Post subject: 洛夫好象也把夜比喻为鱼吐的泡沫~ Reply with quote

他丢给狗一根骨头,
鱼被漆黑的石头卡着了脖子咳嗽~
Shocked 不好意思,如果有哪位老师能给我讲讲就好了,真头疼~
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和平岛
举人


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-12 08:31:46    Post subject: Re: 洛夫好象也把夜比喻为鱼吐的泡沫~ Reply with quote

半溪明月 wrote:
他丢给狗一根骨头,
鱼被漆黑的石头卡着了脖子咳嗽~
Shocked 不好意思,如果有哪位老师能给我讲讲就好了,真头疼~


一种由表及里的过程
一个夜晚
也可以是一生
Very Happy
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罗松明
童生


Joined: 28 May 2006
Posts: 10

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PostPosted: 2006-11-12 20:20:44    Post subject: Reply with quote

问候和平岛先生!

很有震撼力的诗歌!
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孙慧峰
童生


Joined: 09 Oct 2006
Posts: 97

孙慧峰Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-15 03:03:34    Post subject: Reply with quote

他只用一根骨头,就运走了一整个夜晚
鱼的咳嗽,连同被卡住的漆黑的石头

很漂亮!
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一树摇风
童生


Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 37

一树摇风Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-15 17:25:20    Post subject: Reply with quote

冷静的诗意~~
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左岸
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Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-19 19:19:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

他只用一根骨头,就运走了一整个夜晚
鱼的咳嗽,连同被卡住的漆黑的石头
一首不可多得的好诗,诗贵在新,诗标题就是一句鲜活的意象--牵一发而动全身的作用,悬念一开头就抛给读者,抓住一种好奇心,此诗意象从大处着眼,细微处出活,结尾的意象惊的我跳起,象征主要通过隐喻暗示体现,是冷抒情的那种。
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黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河
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changan
童生


Joined: 06 May 2007
Posts: 39

changanCollection
PostPosted: 2007-05-11 20:02:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

直抒胸臆,抒情主人公的形象很鲜明!
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在生活中寻找诗歌,在诗歌中寻找生活。创作生活的诗歌,创造诗样的生活。
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
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PostPosted: 2007-05-11 21:21:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

好题目,很难得。

诗短意长----
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一言
秀才


Joined: 21 Feb 2007
Posts: 360

一言Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-11 23:31:02    Post subject: Reply with quote

"他只用一根骨头,就运走了一整个夜晚
鱼的咳嗽,连同被卡住的漆黑的石头"

后两句好像表达了什么事情被很容易轻松地完成了,好像把很多问题都被解决了的一种感叹.因为诗歌的题目是有趣而轻松的"夜晚好比是鱼吹出的泡沫"隐藏的很深了,所以难以理解.
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我是个平凡的人,但我喜欢在平凡的日子里做不平凡的事情,每个人都可以这么来作去认为自己的存在。
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